If You Can’t Find the Humor . . .

. . . . just go home!

Seriously. You know when you have one of those days? The kind of day that is just ridiculous from beginning to end? The kind of day that makes you just want to go back home, crawl in bed, and start all over again tomorrow? No? Well, let me enlighten you. That way, when you think you are having a day like that, you can remember mine and realize yours isn’t so bad. Then again, maybe yours was worse. I’m sorry.

On a Tuesday I was at work. Not my usual work, but an extra job for this one week that were long days. My youngest son, A, calls me and says that his dog, Jake, got out. When Jake came back home his face was swollen on the left and he wouldn’t open his eye. My son was worried, naturally. But hey, I work 3 jobs to keep us afloat. I don’t have money for a dog. Still, this is Jake we are talking about. So I tell my son to keep an eye on him. There’s not much we can do, we’ll just see what it looks like in the morning and decide then. Now, I thought about the dog, don’t get me wrong. My husband, B, thought that Jake may have a concussion. We assumed that when he got out he probably had been kicked by a horse or cow and that we should just monitor him. Thinking about the dog and being willing to run him up to the vet are two different things, though. What money I have goes to more important things.

On Wednesday, the swelling in Jake’s face had gone down, though he still wouldn’t open the left eye. He whined a bit, but really, he seemed to be his usual snarly self. So I left it alone and said let’s wait a little more.

Then Thursday hit. My oldest son, Z, had a few extra dollars and I convinced him to put his car in the shop to see why it was having trouble starting. I had him take me to my extra job. When he got back home, he found his dad had gone to the ER. (My husband has lupus and this is just life.) Meanwhile, I had called the vet, who, of course, wanted to physically look at Jake and decide what needed to be done. So I called my oldest son and asked him to go get Jake and take him to the vet, not realizing my husband was still in the ER. I got a phone call around 3 p.m. from a stranger telling me that Z had flipped my car. I could hear him sobbing in the background. Now I’m frantic. I let my husband know what happened and tried to get to the scene. When I get there, he is standing upright, talking to my mom and laughing (albeit a little hysterically). I don’t care. I’m thrilled there is no blood.

Side note: Y’all! God had his hand on that boy and that accident! He wasn’t speeding, or texting. He DIDN’T slow down for the curve, and accelerated when the tire slipped onto the shoulder. But my tires were bad and one blew, then another. It sent him into a tailspin which then flipped my car. I drive up to the scene and the boy is standing there, the car is loaded on a tow truck, there isn’t any broken glass, or exceedingly visible damage other than a broken headlight. There have been so many things to be thankful for. I’m thankful that I thought the night before to take the loose 12×12 tiles out of my back seat. I’m thankful he had the accident in my car and not his. I’m thankful that the hand of God was on that boy. The car flipped, landed on the driver’s side, and skidded into a mound of dirt that had been recently delivered for the homeowners to work on their driveway-right where he wrecked. He tells of climbing out of the passenger side (vertically, mind you) and coming down off the car to see the driver’s side mirror holding the car up. A minor dent in the fender of the driver’s side front tire and some very small minimal scratches is all there is to show for it.

So, I come up on the scene and he is okay. I sent him straight to the family doctor, anyway. I work out things with the tow truck driver, believing my insurance is adequate, and speak to Officer Payne (nicest guy there ever was!). Once the major points are settled, I head back to work. Literally nothing that I can do at this point, so I just go back to work.

On the way back to work, I get a phone call from the vet. Jake has a ruptured eye and it will have to be removed. I’m not lying – I laughed. Then I said, “wow, I guess the hoof just caught his eye and nothing else?” The lady on the phone says “I don’t think Jake was kicked. He’s such a small dog that if he had been kicked, it would have broken bones in his face.”

“Well, how – ”

“The vet thinks, because of all the stickers and mattes in his fur, that he probably was rolling in the grass and took a stick to the eye.”

“He rolled in the grass? And. Poked. Out. His. Own. Eye?!” No way. Just, no way. I had a bit of a hysterical fit of laughter. She tells me he’ll have to have surgery and that they will keep him for the night and do the surgery first thing in the morning. Ok. I’m too stunned to think through the ramifications of that.

Then I get a message from my husband. They are keeping him. His oxygen levels are up and down and they can’t get a handle on what might be the problem. He’ll be spending the night at least.

I end my “Thursday from the enemy” at the hospital, spending the night with my husband in his room.

Friday morning, I find out my insurance is not what I thought and that I owe an astronomical amount to the wrecker service for the tow and the impound and all that. Not only that, but it has two flat tires. I’m not driving it anywhere. So, I set to work, while at work, on how to get the car back to my house. My first instinct is to get my church ladies praying but also to ask if anyone has a car hauler. In the middle of trying to figure out how to get the car, one friend asks if I mind if she shares it on Facebook. Sure, I say. Maybe someone will have a car hauler there and I will see what I can figure out about the finances while we wait on an answer. Unknown to me, that friend had posted that I needed help, financial and otherwise. Within half an hour, I had the funds to get the car out of impound, have it delivered to a tire shop, get 4 tires put on it, and get my dog out of the vet, with money to spare. I was overwhelmingly blessed and amazed. I was humbled. With all the crazy going on, money was the one thing I didn’t have to think about. God is so good! It was such a blessing to not worry about the money end of things. But I still had my husband in the hospital. And Z was having back spasms.

Saturday morning I went to get the car out of impound, have it towed to the tire shop, and get Jake out of the vet. Poor Jake. He looked worse than my car. Although, once it had tires on it and I needed to drive it home, it was very apparent there was much more wrong than met the eye. Still, I got it home. And went to work. I was thanking Jesus all day for the good that had come out of so much bad. I was able to come up with “Thank you Jesus” nearly every minute it seemed. When it was time to go home, my youngest, A, showed up. I told him I wanted to go see Dad as soon as I finished up, before we went home. To which he responded, “Well, Z is at the Vet ER with Sadie. We probably need to get him.”

“What?! Now what?”

“Sadie found Jake’s medicine on the counter, pulled it down, chewed through the bottle and ate 9 of the 10 pain pills he had. Z got one of the pills out of her mouth at home, but since she ate the other 8 we were worried. So Z said to take her to the vet ER.”

“You have to be kidding me.” We called Z. They had Sadie in the back, it might be a bit. So we run up to the hospital and see Dad, then head over to the vet ER to see how Sadie is doing. When we get there, Z is hanging out in the front, waiting on us and Sadie. I go to check her out and the story is that they induced vomiting and got 3 of the 8 pills out of her, but she had already ingested 5 of them. So they gave her a shot to counter act the pills she had ingested. Y’all. That dog was higher than a kite. Drunker than a skunk.

She comes out from the back and she is so HAPPY! That tail is going 90 miles an hour and its leading her rear end all over the place. But you can tell her head is having a hard time keeping up. She couldn’t walk a straight line to save her life. We manage to get her in the car, but she’s so happy she can’t sit still. We just sit in the car and we are dying laughing. The week has been crazy. We have a one-eyed Jake. We are down to one car. We have a suicidal, drunk dog. We have 1,000 things to be thankful for. But, right then, it was just funny. I said, “If we can keep Rascal safe, we’ll be okay. One dog left. Let’s keep him safe.” Z starts laughing harder. I’m just looking at him.

“2 out of 3 dogs. 2 out of 3 cars. Mom.”

A practically yells “That’s not a good percentage!”

“What are you talking about?”

“2/3 is 66.6%! That’s just the devil!”

We all roar with laughter then. I think part of it was that we were just punch drunk and oversensitive. But part of it was funny too. No matter what was intended, it was all taken care of. That “money to spare” I talked about earlier? It covered Sadie’s ER vet bill. It also covered 3 months of oxygen service for my husband when he was finally released from the hospital the following Wednesday.

We are in the middle of a study at our church called Daring Faith. The memory verse for the lesson the following week after these events was Romans 8:28. “But we know that all things work to the good for those that love Him and who are called according to His purpose.” I know I’m called according to His purpose. Even if the purpose is just to love others with His love. And I KNOW I love Him. So all these things that the enemy meant for evil, were made ok. I don’t know why. I don’t have to know why. I only have to trust God. Trusting God is our lifeline. Well, and humor. Humor helps.

A Plumb Line

A Plumb Line

My family and I have been through SOME stuff the last three years. Some good stuff, some bad stuff and then the stuff that is just . . .well, stuff. It happens in all our lives. It’s my belief that life is one long roller coaster, if you will. There are ups and there are downs. There are those moments when the track is flat. There are the moments when you feel like you are climbing with no idea of what’s waiting for you at the top. At least, this has been my experience. I would love to be wrong but I’m pretty sure this is how it goes for the general population, regardless of whatever means you use to measure your circumstances to others. It is the human condition.

After a year of SOME bad stuff, I learned how to let go. I found that I was literally at the end of my rope, I had no power, and no solutions. Coming to that realization, I cried out to God. “You know what, God, it’s all yours!” I was angry and frustrated and broken-hearted. “You can take all of it!” I cried for hours. And, bless the Lord, He did. He taught me that night that He really does have it all. He gave me the ultimate Peace. He brought me through all that sorrow to a place of rest. Did any of my circumstances change? Absolutely not. For the next two years hardly anything changed. Nothing really changed, that is, except that I had given it all to God. And the Peace that comes with that total surrender is the most amazing thing. It allowed me to do what I need to do, without the exhaustion, without the dread of daybreak. I no longer woke up fearing the next day, the next week, the next month. People would ask “How are you” and I could honestly say “I’m good”. Sure, there were times that I wasn’t having a great day or when circumstances were troubling, but they weren’t overwhelming me. They weren’t dragging me under the tidal wave.

Through those next two years, we still encountered SOME stuff. Some bad, some good, and then just some stuff. It is still a daily walk that requires me to give it to God. Daily. I find that taking my eyes off my Creator for any length of time allows the “What if” and “What would I do” questions to come up and take over my thought processes. And the answer is always “I can do nothing”. Taking my eyes off God is not an option for me anymore. I HAVE to surrender it to Him. I cannot function any other way. But I am learning another lesson now. Isn’t that just the way He is?

Even though I had given everything up to God, it doesn’t mean I am lining up with His plan. Even though I had even given my family up to God, doesn’t mean they are lining up with His plan. I am trying to bring myself into line, with the help of the Holy Spirit, and I am praying my family does the same. But tiny little choices, every day, can keep me out of alignment. Those insignificant little decisions can throw the line off by a hair. And if you add up enough hairs you get a full ponytail. Ha ha. You get my point.

He’s been working on me (and my family) but it has only been recently that it has started to look like we are finally lining up. I’m assuming all this started happening when I started taking my family and our situation back from the enemy. I had to get to a point where I had to put the concept behind Matthew 11:12 into practice. The verses leading up to it and including that verse refers to the sudden HUGE interest of the mass of people to hear the words of the prophet and Jesus. In the same way that the people clamored for the teachings, I am clamoring for restoration. I want Jesus to say of me, “heaven has suffered violence and the violent take it by force”. I want to bombard heaven with my request – no, my demand – for the blessings that Jesus himself preached and practiced: healing, peace, salvation, and love. I am bombarding heaven with prayers of His guidance, His calling, His mercy, and His plans. And He gave me this illustration:

I play a game called 1010. It’s a puzzle game where you try to create a full line using the blocks you are given. You can create a full line either horizontally or vertically. Once you create a full line, the line disappears. You lose the game when you have no space left to place the next block and therefore can’t create a full line. I have been playing for a few months now. My high score is 6103 and I have been trying to break that barrier for a while. I’m sure there are plenty of others out there with much higher scores. I don’t claim to be great at it, but I enjoy it and it helps me relax, strangely enough.

One day, in the middle of this taking heaven by force, I was praying and kept seeing these blocks and seeing a line forming. I couldn’t believe myself. Why am I thinking about this game? In the middle of praying here! Get out of my head! But then I’d be praying and there were these blocks again. I got to where I was seeing blocks when I wasn’t praying. Just to see if I was obsessed, I stopped playing the game for several days. But I was still seeing the blocks. So I had to ask God, “Is this You?” (I don’t claim to be quick, y’all!) And I saw the blocks again in prayer. Then He gave me understanding. I heard him saying that these blocks represent His plan, His will for my family. I saw each piece fitting into place, one at a time. “Why are they all vertical, Lord? You could make a line horizontally, too”. (Me instructing God how to play. I don’t claim to be bright, y’all.) To which He replied, “This is my plumb line. Your family will line up. You will line up. You need only surrender and continue to take your family back.” And then this:
Isaiah 54:11-17
O troubled one, storm-crushed, uncomforted! see, your stones will be framed in fair colours, and your bases will be sapphires. I will make your towers of rubies, and your doors of carbuncles, and the wall round you will be of all sorts of beautiful stones. And all your builders will be made wise by the Lord; and great will be the peace of your children. All your rights will be made certain to you: have no fear of evil, and destruction will not come near you. See, they may be moved to war, but not by my authority: all those who come together to make an attack on you, will be broken against you. See, I have made the iron-worker, blowing on the burning coals, and making the instrument of war by his work; and I have made the waster for destruction. No instrument of war which is formed against you will be of any use; and every tongue which says evil against you will be judged false. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness comes from me, says the Lord.

My response is “Ok, Lord. Have Your way.” There is no other answer for me. I have tried to do it my way, and He taught me surrender. I have tried a completely hands off approach, and He taught me to “take it by force”. The difference is that I am storming heaven’s gates and not haranguing my family. He is still teaching me. I will always be learning something from the Master. But He is faithful. He is patient. He is loving. As long as I am willing to both surrender my will and be violent in prayer, He will restore us. I am excited to see the work God is doing!

What is He doing in your life? Have you learned surrender? What have you had to “take by force”? If you’ll start by asking “What do you have for me, Lord,” you might be surprised. While He may not lay out a picture for you of what your life will look like, He will pull out the plumb line of His will and help you start lining things up. Be open, be surrendered, be violent in prayer. The results will be amazing!

Stop Touching Everything!

As an adult I learned of a “personality test” that helped me figure out what my “Love Language” is. Most of you who know me (or know someone who knows me) knows what I’m talking about. But if you don’t, read on.

There are 5 love languages: Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Whichever of these languages you speak, you probably are very good at living them. Typically, if your love language is Receiving Gifts, you give them as well as you receive them. If Words of Affirmation make you feel loved, you probably affirm the people in your life. You get the idea.

There is also the possibility that you have been deeply scarred by the wrong use/negative end of the language. If you speak Quality Time then the lack of it as a child can be detrimental to your feelings of self worth. If you cherish Acts of Service but had to fend for yourself as a child, then you are probably living the polar opposite of your language.

My Love Language is Physical Touch. In my early childhood I experienced the very negative end of my love language. When I was adopted at the age of 6, I had to learn to adapt to healthy forms of touch. I think I was very resistant to ANY touch though, because I don’t remember much of it, although it may have been there. My memory is very faulty. If I had to explain it, I’d say that if the situation wasn’t hugely life altering, I didn’t focus on the event. So much of my life, to this day, is wiped clean in my memories because it wasn’t earth shattering. I remember the important stuff, like the birth of my children. But when we went to the bay and swam that one time and it was so great, you know? No. I don’t remember. So, basically, my life is great! How can I be bogged down by that one time that kid was mean to me, if I don’t remember it? And I have recovered so much from the early trauma, thanks to Mom who was my counselor, that I operate in my love language in a healthy way.

Still, there are some memories that hang in there. Like Dad tossing me in the air, or Mama giving me a squeeze. But I think, because they are associated with touch, that is why they stick. Including the memory (well, memories) of my mom saying things like “Do you have to touch every one”, “Quit touching those”, and “Stop touching everything.” (Sorry Mom 😉). I have to say, that even as an adult, I still catch myself running my hand along a clothes rack or just touching that breakable thing that I’m afraid to pick up. I loved my kids when they were little (and babysitting now) because I love hugs and snuggles and face patting.

So when I took this test (which you can find here http://www.5lovelanguages.com/) I was not surprised by the outcome. There were other categories that definitely made sense to me, but I knew physical touch would be the main one. It’s not that you can’t operate in more than one area. In fact the better rounded you are the closer the gaps between categories. But, even now, if you think about it there is probably one strikingly obvious answer. My question, though, is this: if you have an obvious answer, whether because you took the test or because one of those categories stands out to you, do you have childhood memories that reinforced your love language? Like my need to touch, then and today, do you have similar experiences? Whether it is receiving gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, or physical touch, do you have moments that stand out like that?

To take it a step further, do you know your spouse’s love language? Your child’s? What have you done today to speak their language? Have they spoken yours? Language, you know, is a two way street. One needs to speak so another can understand and vice versa.

Let’s go one step farther. Your closest circle of friends. Do you know their language? Have you tried to learn? What makes them tick? I confess, I am no giant in this area. I have a lot to learn about my friends and loved ones. Hopefully, you are farther along than I am. But I’m getting there. And that’s how we’ll build community.

Self-inflicted suffering

“You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing everything with logic; true power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you; breathe and allow things to pass.” -Unknown

In today’s world it seems that most people are ready to be offended at the slightest thing. It’s one thing for a child to take to heart the hurtful words thrown his way, and quite another for an adult to get offended because someone else’s view doesn’t match their own.

My previous post talks about hurtful words. This post is about taking away that power. Words can only hurt you if you let them. At some point in your life, and hopefully before you become an adult, you have to realize that words are just words. And even if they hurt, you can control the power they have over you by controlling your own reaction. The only power anyone and any word can have over you is the power you give it.

I know a man who says to himself everyday “I am my own sunshine.” Don’t get me wrong, he loves God. He lives for God. But telling himself this phrase is his way of reminding himself that he does not have to let the shadows of negativity in. He can remain the calmest person in the face of the biggest meltdown. And he has seen some doozies! Regardless of the emotional whirlwind in front of him, he can stand still and let the storm pass. And he doesn’t take it personally. He’s the better for it, too.

Learning this lesson is tough. Especially in today’s world where everyone has the right to be offended and to say anything they want because, hey, free speech. Matthew 24:10 says “And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.” In the prophetic words of Jesus, we see American society today. The constant haranguing of anyone with a differing opinion, the excessive need to be right, and the constant trampling of other’s rights in order to be the right one, are all leaving an indelible impression on the next generation. Why should your child learn to “let it go” when you clearly can’t? What, exactly, do we think we are teaching our children? Yes, words hurt. But you can choose to say “that person doesn’t know what they are talking about” or “that does not apply to me, no matter what they say”. Will we teach our children to open a dialogue instead of a name-calling session? Will we teach our children, by our own actions, to put aside those words and focus on their own actions and to take responsibility for them? Teach your daughter, that little Suzy saying she’s ugly, is not only untrue, but shows just how little Suzy thinks of herself.

And teach your son that just because little Justin said he’s dumb, doesn’t make it so . . . and that punching Justin for saying it is just as wrong as Justin saying it. I believe this is why we have so many adults who throw temper tantrums over words. Come on, y’all. They’re just words. You have full control of your own actions and emotions. Take charge. And stop letting the other person control you.

What lesson are you teaching your child? How can you improve your response to hurtful words? Do have conversations about this very thing with your children? In the family, don’t just be the example. Be an example AND an instructor.

My thoughts on raising children

My niece, recently found out she’s having a boy and asked me if I had any advice in the raising of boys. This is what I told her:

1. Be consistent. If you said “no you can’t have candy right before dinner”, that needs to be the rule ALWAYS. “Let your yes be yes and your no be no” is good in this instance, although for proper context, maybe it should be “a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.” Kids will test you 25 million times to see if your answer will always be no or yes. It needs to be. That’s how you build their trust.
2. Pick your battles. Some things aren’t worth fighting over. Let’s say that his newest thing is a contest of wills. If you tell him to go sit in the time out chair and he sits right where he is, well, that works too. He is sitting, which is the goal. Just because it’s not in the exact spot you said doesn’t mean the action didn’t happen. Ephesians 6:4
3. Be firm. You can’t worry about hurting his feelings. No one LIKES to be in trouble (Hebrews 12:11). But that’s how we learn. And don’t get drawn into an argument. YOU are the grown up, he’s a child. But, by the same token, don’t be mean. Ecclesiastes 5:6
4. If you are going to spank, use a spoon or paddle. Never your hand. You want him to be afraid of the spoon, not you. Also, discipline should NEVER be done in anger. Calm yourself down before disciplining. (Www.thegospelcoalition.org/…/seven-principles-for-angry-pa…/)
5. Love, LOVE, love! Believe it or not, there will be days you won’t like him. But you love him anyway, just like God loves you.
6. Food is not a reward or a punishment. It’s survival. Nothing more, nothing less. Don’t fall into “I’ll give you a cookie if . . .” Or “clean your plate or else . . .” There are so many other things that hold a higher importance in life. (Philippians 1:10) Don’t get me going on the psychological damage that can be caused by rewarding or withholding food.
7. Demand obedience when he’s young and it’ll be easier for him when he’s older. Ephesians 6:1-3
8. Give him chores. Appropriate ones at appropriate ages. You can find lists on Google. Chores will keep him realistic. Ecclesiastes 3:22
9. Create in him an attitude of gratitude. It makes a happier kid. And start that early. Like, as soon as he can talk. Every night before bed, when you say prayers with him, list three things you are thankful for. Encourage him to think of some as he grows. A house, food, lights . . . these are all blessings. Too many people go without any of them. And then we in America have soooooooooo much more. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, Hebrews 12:28. (Also:www.verticallivingministries.com/…/10-benefits-of-giving-t…/)
10. Dedicate him to God. Give him back, in a way, to the One who gave Him to you. It is not a baptism. It is merely a symbol of offering your child to God in the hopes that they will in turn trust in God and be trained by Him. 1 Samuel 1:11.

That’s my two cents. What is yours?

Beautiful You 

The above is an excerpt from Sir Edward Richardson’s Pamela, or Virtue Rewarded. They come from a father admonishing his daughter against pride in/becoming puffed up over her beauty, a thing she had no hand in.

When I read this bit, I was taken back to a poem I wrote in high school. I called it Beautiful to You. In it, I cried out to God, asking him to make me beautiful in His eyes. To do a work on the inside, hoping it would make me more attractive on the outside. You see, I thought I was ugly. Not just ugly, but the ugliest thing imaginable. And there were so many who just reaffirmed that. I didn’t realize how false that was until I hit adulthood.

I fell in love for the first time at 19. What a change flattery can make! Then I learned that the only interest that first love ever had in me was based entirely on my looks and how they might help him. That was just as devastating as growing up believing I was ugly. And I saw, quickly, that I could “have no praise due to me for it”.

In high school, I cried out to God for beauty. As a young adult I alternately gave Him thanks for my looks and was angry for my looks. In the end I just wanted Him to see me as beautiful, and forget the people. I yearned to hear from the One who made me. All those others who had convinced me that I was ugly, wounded me. But I would find my solace in God. And so I developed a relationship with the One who made me.

I’m sure that many of those who called me names, who went out of their way to be mean, to hurt, to laugh at me never believed that they were just expanding an already big problem for me. I know for a fact that some of them believed I thought too much of myself (I did say before that I worked very hard NOT to be so shy and introverted, that gets confused with stuck-up a lot). But the damage was done regardless.

If I could instruct every single child on the planet in one thing, it would be this: watch your words. Words DO hurt. Words can cause irreparable damage. If I had not turned to God, I think depression would have taken hold of me to such a degree that I would not have been able to escape it. And while children are mean enough to their peers, adults do just as much damage with a careless word or thoughtless tease. It seems crazy to me the number of adults in my own life who hurt me with their words. (On a side note, there is another post coming concerning the notion that, come on, they are just words.)

Let every person tell every child: You are beautiful. You are precious. You are worthy. You are loved. These should be standard phrases in the house of a child. Sadly, that is not true. If you spend any time with a child, tell them these things. But also, tell yourself these things. You need to hear it, too. Whether you are 5, 15, or 95, YOU need to hear it! You are beautiful! I thank God for a mother who encouraged me to think for myself, who gave me support, and had I confessed these feelings to her as a child, I have no doubt she would have fought like a mama bear protecting her young to keep anyone from saying anything amiss. (Unfortunately, this is probably her first time knowing it.) But I came to grips with my feelings of inadequacy, where my looks were concerned, years ago. I now hold no illusions about myself. I look like me. I look like God created me to look. It is neither beauty nor beastly. It is the me He made. And I am good with that.

If you are not good with who you are, are not happy with the Creator’s design of you, take it up with Him. He won’t change how you look, but He will change how you feel about it. In the meantime, have a listen . . .

Gentle Instruction

A few weeks ago, our pastor challenged our congregation to step beyond ourselves and to give away that which we were needing. Need more joy? Try spreading it to others. Need more faith? Speak it over someone else. Yes, even if you need money, try giving it to those in need. The concept, of course, is that you cannot out-give God. If you are giving from the right place in your heart, then God will return to you what you have given away and will add to it. So he asked us to ask God, who would you have me bless, to whom can I give away the thing I need most. I earnestly sought His answer. Who, Lord, is in need of my help? In my mind’s eye, I saw a friend who had been having health issues and was struggling. But Lord, I visited with her yesterday, and I plan to go again today. Then I saw an outreach program that I am involved in. Yes, Lord, I was just helping there and I need to remember to add to the list. But then my mind was flooded with images of people and places that I have loved on and served and tried to just be there for. And that still small voice spoke to me. “I am well pleased.” Which, of course, made me bawl like a baby. All day.

But we humans. We are rarely satisfied. And I started wondering. If I am okay in the giving department, then what? What do You want me to do, Lord? What is it that I am missing? Because, I obviously am missing something. I am still alive, still kicking, still breathing, so my work is not done. And in the back of my mind, I know what He has told me before, but I, in true Pam form, just ignore it. I pretend like I don’t know it. But the Lord . . . He doesn’t do ‘ignore’. He instructs. Gently. Insistently.

In my case, that came as a dream. My dream took me to a woman’s home. She was no one I know, but she asked me the one question that I have been asking God for the last 15 years, or more (that’s another post, I promise). In my dream, I had the answer, but each time I went to explain it to the woman, she would wander off mid sentence. Apparently, she was looking for something and it bothered her that she couldn’t find what she was looking for. So, while she wanted the answer, she was distracted by the thing she had lost. Each time she left while I tried to give her the answer was making me impatient. In frustration, I picked up a stick and began to write on her wall. I would just leave the answer here so she could see it, when she could concentrate, I thought. And in the middle of my writing, the sun came up through her living room window. I saw a sparkle on the floor. When I went to pick up the item, there was another, then another. There was a trail of things and I realized this was what the woman was looking for. In my earnestness to help, I left the writing undone. Which speaks volumes to me. When I woke up, I knew that God had been showing me something. I also understood that He was talking about my writing. The writing I leave undone in my earnestness to help. The writing that sits in the draft folder and never gets published in this blog. I know that’s what He is telling me. So I am opening up those folders, fine-tuning pieces, and hitting that publish button. Even If it’s for no other reason than to just say that I did. And in the meantime, I have to ask you: What is that thing that the Lord is asking you to do? Are you ignoring Him? Do you even hear that still, small voice prodding You? Trust me when I say that the Lord, He is insistent. But let me also tell you that He isn’t going to talk to you with a big, booming voice or appear in a burning bush. At least, not in my experience. No, no. Our Lord, He is a gentle instructor. He will not force His way. He wants you to choose for yourself. He wants you to choose Him and His kingdom. He will love you regardless of your choice, but choose Him. Choose to do that ONE thing He’s asked of you. And, in the process, you may be giving away what you need. Believe me, He’ll return it tenfold.

Finding hope . . .

There are any number of people who wake up daily with no hope. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, no friends to support them in the hard times, no family to hold them up when things go awry. Sometimes it truly is that they lack those elements in their lives. Sometimes it’s a situation of their own making. Do you know someone who is living hopeless? Someone who goes from day to day drowning in life’s troubles? Do you know anyone that you can encourage and lend hope to?

I was born into a household with alcoholism, physical and sexual abuse, and neglect. When I was around 5 years old, I tried to run away. I can remember two specific failed attempts but there may have been others. It still amazes me that my 5 year old self was more afraid of the inside of the house than what was outside. And I thank God that I never succeeded at running away. Can you imagine? Even in 1976, a child alone on the streets would not have found herself in any good situation. I would have gone from the frying pan into the fire. And had I succeeded, I never would have made it into a better situation. That better situation presented itself when I was 6. I had an aunt and uncle who recognized what was going on and convinced my biological father to sign me over in guardianship (to avoid charges) and we moved out of state.

That aunt and uncle kept me, fed me, clothed me, cared for me. They made me safe. They made me FEEL safe. I got to grow up with their children and I learned how not to live in fear. But more than that, they gave me hope. I discovered I didn’t have to hide somewhere and be quiet. There was no reason for me to be afraid to be noticed. They made me feel safe. They made me part of the family. My aunt, who I call Mom, counseled me and opened the door for me to talk to her. She also encouraged me (when I was a little older) to start a journal. They let me see that life didn’t have to be the way it used to. That I could look forward to things and not be afraid of people. I still tend to be introverted and shy. Sometimes it’s hard for me to meet new people. But if they hadn’t been the patient, loving people they were, you would never have heard from me.

My life hasn’t been easy by any stretch of the imagination. Just because I was rescued from that situation doesn’t mean I still haven’t endured other hardships. But that is life. No one has an easy path. It’s all struggle to the person living it. I can’t hear someone else’s story and think “that’s all you had to deal with?” Because to them, that hardship was huge. For that person, that one thing was just as major as my struggle was to me. No one gets out of life easy. You can’t look at some person you don’t know and assume that they are living free of trouble. Their trouble doesn’t look like your trouble, but that doesn’t make it trouble-free for them. So when you see that person who looks like they have it all together, and they are griping about something that seems ridiculous, try some patience. Try some compassion.

Consider this person: You are standing in line in the grocery store. Maybe you are the third, fourth, or possibly fifth person in line. The lady checking out has coupons and she’s going ballistic because an item she’s trying to buy isn’t the same as the one on the coupon. Almost, but not quite. So she’s losing it. She’s screaming at the cashier and wants her savings and isn’t concerned in the least that she’s holding up the line for 15 cents. The others in line are getting mad at her. The cashier has called the manager. There is a collective groan from the patrons in the store. The manager gives her the 15 cents (maybe, maybe not) and sends her on her way. Everyone else is just relieved she’s left the line, and the store.

When she gets outside and into her car, she breaks down. Her world is unraveling before her eyes. She was threatened with the loss of her job because she’s taken off so much work lately. She has taken off from work so much because her husband has a terminal illness and the hospital sent him home today with no expectation of seeing him again. She has no food in the house because she has spent the last few weeks at the hospital whenever she wasn’t at work. So she came to the store, trying to make what few dollars she has count. And the coupon was wrong. It was simply the straw that broke the camel’s back. Everyone else in the store only saw a temper tantrum from a woman old enough to know better. But her world is unraveling. And she was grasping at the strings trying to hold it together. Trying to take back some of the control of her circumstances.

I’m just as guilty as the next person of getting upset with a woman like that. But I do try to give that person the benefit of the doubt. For one thing, life is too short to be so worked up about those few minutes I waited. And more importantly, my patience and compassion in that situation could have saved her life. At the very least, it could have been an offering of hope. A “hey, you aren’t alone in this” moment of support. We all need that, at one time or another.

People today need hope. We need to offer it. If it’s the lady in the checkout line, the man at the gas pump, the waitress who messed up your order, the cashier who got your change wrong, it doesn’t matter. They need the smile, the patience, the encouragement that it will eventually be okay.

There are any number of people who wake up daily with no hope. So do you know someone who is living hopeless? Someone who goes from day to day drowning in life’s troubles? Do you know anyone that you can encourage and lend hope to?

You In The Chaos

You In The Chaos

It was the end of May 2015. There had been one blow after another and I was struggling. I have HUGE faith. Need someone to pray for resolution in your life? That would be me. I know Who my rock is. I know Who my fortress is. I have never been let down by Him. But I have let me down.

At the end of May, my best friend died and after months of storms, I needed an anchor for that one. But I found myself alone and angry and bitter. Instead of remembering Who stands in the storm, waiting for me, I closed in on myself. It wasn’t that I was alone. It was that I simply chose not to go to my Father with my hurt. The following poem was my waking up to the truth that I was the one who made myself alone.

YOU IN THE CHAOS
Standing in this rocking boat, wind howling on every side
Water stinging my face as the waves toss us around
Everything is out of control and it’s taking its toll
I’m sure this ship is sunk and there is no hope

Then I see You out there, standing on the water
Clear as day despite the chaos. You call to me
How? How can You call me to You?
Yet my spirit strains forward toward You.

My thoughts race and in my mind I see me
Stepping over the side and walking to You,
But my mind rejects the image. You can’t think that I can.
I am not You, I cannot do as You do.

You stand there in the middle of chaos and call me to You.
My spirit strains forward, needing to reach You
I determine to try this that You ask of me.
So I tighten my resolve and step over the side.

My eyes are fixed on You and I step toward You
And I’m amazed that I can, that I’m still here,
Doing the impossible, coming toward You.
You are still before me and my spirit is ever straining.

I must reach You. I step forward once more and
Get slapped with a wave. The stinging pain shocks me
My eyes are on You but my mind is overcome.
The pain and the chaos disorient me.

I hear the howling wind, then I see the waves rising
I know that I am sunk. I am not You. I cannot do as You do.
You stand there in the middle of chaos, peace personified.
You are unmoved by the wind and waves.

And You call me to You. My spirit strains to reach You.
You reach for me and I am saved by Your hand. I am held up by You.
You, my Lord, have lifted me and saved me from drowning.
You lifted me up among the waves, you walked me through the wind.

You took me back to the safety of the ship and helped me in.
You helped me in and then calmed the wind.
I cannot do as You do. I am not You.
But my spirit strains toward You and I am saved.

Pam Whitehead