I struggled all morning and had really decided NOT to go. But about half an hour before the service started, I realized I had to be in town anyway for a couple of things and so decided to go ahead and go to church. My struggle today had nothing to do with the time change or this allergy cold that hit me last week. My struggle today had everything to do with the fact that I was headed, once again, to a service by myself. And I just didn’t want to.
Now, I have attended church for years, primarily by myself. Most days, I just breeze right in without a thought or care of my singleness. But there are days. Days like today. Where it hits me hard. I don’t love being single. I’m in no hurry to be part of a duo, but I’m not in love with being single forever. There were a lot of years, too, where I was married and still attended singly. If you have been in a similar situation, you can testify that it can be even MORE difficult when your soul’s desire is a helpmate to lead spiritually in the household. Someone to take your hand and say, “Let’s go to the house of the Lord.” But for the majority of my Christian walk, I go alone.
And today I was late. I walked into the service and saw a full house and wanted to cry at the thought of telling the usher I just needed one seat. So I fled to the balcony, praying there would be seats. There were. I had a talk with Jesus during worship. I asked forgiveness for my tooty attitude. I thanked Him for the opportunity to come to church in a country that so far has not outlawed it. And I solidified my vow that regardless of my relationship status, I serve Him, and Him only.
He reminded me that this place of worship I attend is FULL of people I know and love and that some of them love me back. I looked over the balcony wall to the congregation below and saw so many of those very people. And nearly every one of them had an empty seat next to them. He pointed out that had I not let my feelings take over, I could have found a spot. I could have sat in community with friends who also worship my God. And He reminded me this is temporary. This season is short in the grand scheme. At the end of this season, I’ll either no longer be alone or no longer be lonely. And the One who fills that spot will be there either way.
But He also reminded me that there are a multitude of people, even just in this town, that don’t attend church for this very reason. People who don’t have a community yet. People who face the daunting prospect of walking into a place where they know no one. People who walk into an unfamiliar building just hoping that someone will be friendly and hospitable and welcoming.
He reminded me that today I had not been that person that He asked me to be. I was not welcoming. I was not hospitable. I was not friendly. I had curled into myself and pouted. Certainly, we are allowed to be human. And humans have feelings. But I chose to let my feelings lead me instead of making the choice to let Him have those feelings and put Him front and center for someone else who may have felt that singleness.
He was ever so gentle. I was ever so chastised.
Lord, help me be the person You have called me to be.
She was on the ladder looking at the top shelf, but the book was missing. It wasn’t anywhere.
“Euphie! This brew requires focus! What is wrong?” Hermi growled.
“The remembering spell?” Euphie frowned.
Hermi griped and went straight to a shelf, grabbed a well-worn book without looking.
“This one, right? Page 83,” she said. Euphie opened to page 83 and started reading. The last word carried Euphie’s voice away.
She glared at Hermi.
“Oh fiddlesticks! Honest mistake!” Hermi frowned. “It looks just like the other!”
Euphie waved frantically.
“But, at least you’re QUIET now!”
Official Word Count: 100
Wow. 100 words to tell a story? AND get the point across? In a weekend?
What a challenge!
Trying to figure out what to take out, what to leave, keep it 100 words or less, and make it make sense – building some writing muscle here. Truly fun, though!
I did improve. This placed 19th in 39 entries, making it just shy of the honorable mentions and the highest I’ve ranked yet.
“Are you listening, Jer?” Stewart turned to look at me.
“Yeah, Stew, I hear you! Today, yesterday, the day before,” I groaned. Ever since he went to the tree to look for food, he’s changed. He came back like his feet were on fire, and all he’s done is predict doom and gloom.
“Why will no one believe me?! I’m telling you! I was trying to run from it, and it just kept following me! If it finds out where we are, we are dead! DEAD, JERRY! We need to find a new home! NOW!” Stewart’s eyes were crazy, and he was hyperventilating.
“Stew! Just keep your eyes forward and march.” I chanced a look behind me at Pete. Pete rolled his eyes and shrugged. I poked my head around the side to see if Adam was listening. All I could see of him when looking around Stewart was the rigid line of his shoulder. Yeah, he heard him, alright.
“Stew, calm down. You’re scari – ,” my growl died in my throat.
Just then, the hill came into sight. Our line came to an immediate stop.
There was a concentrated beam of light moving across the hill. The bodies of our brothers in arms were scattered and . . . wait! Was that smoke coming off their bodies?
I looked up to see a round object framing the light in the sky, and the beam shot from it, straight for our line.
“DEAD!” Stewart screamed.
Official Word Count: 248
If I remember correctly, I had 4 days for this piece, but I was also in the middle of finals week. Even now, I want to tweak it. I want to change “shoulder” to “antenna” and a couple of other things. But I’m leaving it like this – as is – because this is the piece that put me in the “not quite” bracket, but I also improved. I had 4 out of 10 wins with this bit and for only a second entry, felt that I should be proud of that. Obviously I still have a lot of work to do to improve, but it’s a solid piece and I’m overall pleased with it.
Alarms are blaring, and the cabin is shaking so violently that it feels as though the cockpit would be ripped in half from the force. This stick-shaker forces me to take the controls, and I am working frantically to hold altitude, to address the alarms, and to stave off panic. I look out the window at the wing to see if there is any evidence of what caused this cacophony of sound and vibration.
There! I knew I smelled fuel! My fuel pressure gauge seems to be holding, but that won’t last long.
When did that happen? It must have been just before the cargo line broke, and I got hit in the back of the head by the D-ring. It must have knocked me out for a minute. Thankfully, the second strap is holding. Just barely.
None of this makes sense, and I know it, but I can’t figure it out right now. I’ve got to address the issue of finding a landing spot to better figure out what needs fixing. The “why” can wait.
I try to keep the nose steady; she wants to dive. But I can still hold her. Just a little longer. We can do this! Hold on! Frantically searching the forested landscape, I spot a line of open field running down the middle. A natural runway, though not nearly long enough. But I’ll take it! And fast, the fuel pressure warning is blaring, and the Caravan is fighting me. I stop fighting her, adjust the trim wheel for a glide, and work on lining up with the open stretch. I can see the earth coming toward me, so I lower the flaps a little. As I pull back on the yoke, I kill the battery and fuel selectors.
The sudden quiet is deafening, and for a moment, there is only stillness. It’s surreal as the plane floats into the glide. Such peace after so much chaos.
A small bob, and the plane continues to lose altitude.
I see trees closing in, and I’m afraid it’s too tight. This could hurt. I have a brief moment of fear for the supplies and the village that is supposed to get them.
My brain is trying to work out the landing, while my body is just responding from muscle memory.
The ground rushes up just as the wheels touch down. Pretty smooth, all things considered. But the trees are closing in fast, and I’m sure I’m about to lose a wing or two. Applying the brakes, I’m trying to control the speed and bring the plane to a stop when a tree looms up on my right. I hear the crack as it hits the wing about the same time that I am slung forward in my seat. The force of the impact slings the plane into a turn. Another crack, on my left this time, and I realize both wings have been hit. I won’t be flying out of here in this plane. But then I see a tree, and I’m headed right for it. I don’t have time to brace. I hear the crunch of the nose, and then everything goes black.
I wake to absolute peace and quiet. Everything is a blinding white light that slowly dims, and then I can see I am standing in the middle of a movie set. Part of my brain tells me to think harder about that, and another part tells me not to worry about it.
Eventually, I realize that I am not alone.
I turn to my left, and there is a man standing there with me. He is watching the movie crew as they bustle here and there with lights and props.
“You know, it’s always amazing to me that it feels like the first time I’ve seen it, every time.” His voice is a gentle, deep baritone.
“Where am I?” This movie set I am standing on, offers no clue. The crew are moving the plane wings, and downed trees off set. It’s a confusing scene. I just experienced a catastrophic wreck and now I’m watching pieces of the wreck be removed from a set? Didn’t that really happen?
He turns to look at me. “You, my friend, are with me now. You can call me A.”
I know instantly who I am with, and that I have died.
I don’t feel dead. But how would I know what dead feels like?
“You wouldn’t. It has never been part of your experience.” He doesn’t say this condescendingly. So others have experienced this? “Surely you’ve heard of those who have had near-death experiences?”
Yes. Yes, I have. I try to recall the stories I have heard but can’t think of any at the moment.
“Well, not to worry. Things work differently here, especially memories. You will have trouble remembering unimportant things.”
“I feel like that would have been important to remember.” I am a little put off by the thought that such a thing is unimportant. I have believed, for a long time, that I could end up here and would have welcomed any information that would help in this instance.
He shakes his head at me. “I’m sorry. Here, these types of things are ‘unimportant’. The important things here are the things that shaped you, the way you shaped others, and the impact you leave behind. Take, for example, Edward.”
My mind is immediately flooded with images of Edward, whom I knew when I was a boy. I only interacted with him when we were in elementary school. He moved away, and I never saw him again, rarely thinking of him in the years that followed. There was something different about Edward that invited the mean kids to pick on him, and he, in turn, would pick on other kids who were weaker than him. Somehow, we ended up friends. I couldn’t understand how he could be bullied and then turn around and do the thing he hated. I would always try to talk to him about not picking on the little kids. He never listened, though.
“Oh. But he did.”
I turn to look at A.
“Edward’s behavior toward younger, weaker children stretched your limits of compassion and empathy. Your behavior toward Edward gave him hope and comfort but also taught him kindness. He refused to let you see it for fear that you would think less of him. But he grew up and used all that information you gave him.”
Immediately to my right, a new set appears. There in the center is Edward, a grown man, in a boardroom of some sort. On the edges of the set, people are filming, moving props, or setting up lights. On the set with Edward are four or five men and women around a table. Edward stands at the head, giving a presentation. One lady at the table is just as bright and vibrant as Edward, but the others are muted. The workers on set are all muted as well. My mind is trying to make sense of the scene.
The lights drop and the scene fades from view. The crew on my set is moving the remaining plane parts off set, sweeping debris away and rolling in a new backdrop. This one of a cemetery.
“Edward moved away – that you know. But when he started school in the new town, he patterned himself after you. He saw how you considered others first – experienced it firsthand – and put it into practice at his new school. He grew up to be a very compassionate man who now –“ he stretched his hand toward the set, “works to bring in money to help kids in horrendous circumstances. One of those children is Mateo.”
My mind is immediately flooded with images of Mateo. I just met him a couple of months ago on a supply run. In fact, I was taking supplies to his village when I ended up here. Mateo has juvenile diabetes and needs insulin. His village is remote, and the non-profit I fly for supplies his insulin. I met Mateo on my last run. He is a happy, seemingly normal kid who apparently has not always been so.
Lights come up and a new set appears, but now it’s Mateo in his village, running with the other children. Mateo is bright and vibrant, while the other children are muted. Except for one other boy who shines as bright as Mateo. Again, the movie crew is muted but working behind the scenes.
“So you are saying that Edward, whom I helped, is helping Mateo, whom I am helping. That’s pretty circular. I didn’t even know Edward is involved with the non-profit.”
“Edward isn’t looking to be promoted. He is looking for the non-profit to be promoted. He is looking for the children to be helped, not for glory himself.”
The lights dim and the scene fades from Mateo’s set, while all the crew on my set are running around calling out directions to each other. There seems to be some urgency.
My brain is trying to work out the things I’ve just seen. And I have questions.
“The other people who were lit up. The lady in the boardroom, the boy with Mateo – these are the ones who have discovered their purpose.” A answers my unspoken question, and I turn to look at him.
“What about the movie set? Why a movie set? What about the ones behind the camera or working on the set?”
A shrugs. “When you are leaving a site, after delivery, and someone inevitably thanks you, what do you say? What is the quote you use?”
I suddenly feel bashful. Seriously?
“Yes, Joseph. Seriously. What is the quote?”
“All the world’s a stage, and everyone merely players, including me.” I feel uncomfortable with that admission. It feels like a brag, or like I was being flippant. It was never meant to be that, but here it feels different.
“But it’s not,” A says. “Not really. And it is true, in a way. Plus, I knew the motive behind it. I heard your suppression of glory for yourself every time you said it. Your sole purpose behind what you do is to help. That has always been true for you. That didn’t change as you got older. Your quote, your saying it, was a way for you to redirect the spotlight away from yourself. And I saw that. Every time.”
Suddenly, the lights come up on my stage, and I see myself in the center of the set, while the real me is standing behind the camera. Gone is the cemetery and there is a generic atmosphere. There is almost a blank canvas feel to the set. This is a constantly flowing, moving set, like the AI video I saw recently, where the younger version of an actor is approached by the older version of himself. Only in this case, it’s me. And I am constantly morphing. The elementary version of myself talking to Edward, through junior high interactions, to high school confrontations, college accolades, to work experiences, to this last supply jump. I watch as the me on set takes a bow, and the lights go dim.
A is standing in front of me.
“Shakespeare’s Jacques said, ‘All the world’s a stage… and one man in his time plays many parts.’ The important thing is what you affect while playing those parts. Shakespeare’s realm was a theater stage, but a movie set works just as well, don’t you think, for today’s world? But you, Joseph, have managed to skip all the even-numbered parts. You went from Infant to Lover to Justice and missed Schoolboy and Soldier all together. I would also like you to miss ‘Pantaloon’ – it’s such a ridiculous name for that stage. Please miss the Crusty age. Stay in Justice for a while and then go straight to Old Age.”
“Well, I can’t really do that, now can I? Since I’m here with you, I mean.”
“Weeeeelll, actually,” A grins at me.
A blinding flash erupts, and I close my eyes against the brightness.
I hear the crunch of metal and open my eyes to the tree coming straight at the nose of the plane. I am strapped in the pilot seat like I was before I met A. But this time it is different. The tree is off-center and not coming directly at me. Still, it is quite a thud. But also different in that it felt slower, nowhere near the speed it was before. I have a headache, but is that from the D-ring, the crash, or the blinding lights?
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Am I really back?
I can’t quit thinking of what A said.
Stay in Justice. Skip to Old Age. Avoid Crusty.
My first step is to go find Mateo and get him his insulin. Then I need to go meet Edward again.
Well, the first step is to get out of this plane and get my bearings.
I stumbled on a post on Facebook a while back that led me to some nail biting fun.
Well, let’s be honest. It surely wasn’t a stumble. Facebook threw the post in my feed based on something I looked at. Even so, I signed up for the first battle available and I am loving it!
When the battle opens, you are given three ‘cards’. For the 2500 word battle that I entered, my cards were
GENRE – Uncharted Territory
CHARACTER – Pilot
SETTING – Movie Set.
If I remember correctly, I had 10 days to complete it and submit it. It had to be under the word count, using all prompts, and advised avoiding overused tropes in order to score higher.
Talk about nail biting! 10 days to just shoot a story out? But I love the challenge! Unfortunately I was also in the middle of college classes and missed the “overused tropes” suggestion.
Lesson learned!
I’m proud of my entry. Entering as a newb was a little nerve-wrecking, but so good to stretch those muscles.
And I plan to share them here.
The titles for the post will always be “WB – xyz”, but I’ll share here so that I can return to them and so that anyone who may care can also see if I’m improving.
My next battle is coming up in October, but I have 3 to share for now.
There are a few things you should know about me. All of this comes after this ONE thing: I love God. More than anything. More than you. More than my people. More than my self. He is my captain and I go where He says, I sign up for what He says, I turn down what He says. If He gives me an Abraham experience I pray I never fail it because I know what He has done for me when He never had to.
I am stupidly stubborn on occasion. Generally, I am very even keel and am a “go with the flow” kind of person. But, every once in a while, I get a ridiculous thing thing that I dig my heels in, and I’m immovable. A few times that has served me. The other times, well . . . It has not. You may be called upon to help me extract my head from unseemly places so that I might see the light of day. But do not be deceived, if I feel you are too forceful, my heels will dig in more. It’s such a delicate balance of fixing. I am sorry. I am better than I used to be.
I LOVE people. I do not come with preconceived ideas of how people should look, how they should feel, and I don’t decide I know their inward thoughts based on appearances. But I do have a high wall to protect my personal safety. People who have been let in have proven to be safe. If I am resistant to letting someone in, there is a reason, but I probably can’t name it. Still, there are a LOT of people who have been let in. I can’t quite help myself. The difference between unhealed me and healed me means some, here and there, have slipped through the cracks.
I have learned to love me. I’m still working on this. Some insecurities are harder than others. But I have come along way. I have learned a lot about who I am, who God made me to be, and to trust that He knew what He was doing when He formed my inmost being. Just hang in there.
People exhaust me. Strange, I know. I’m 52% introvert and 48% extrovert. So when introvert takes over, I crave quiet, peace and aloneness. I can be “alone” with my person if they are willing to let me be, sit, read, watch in relative quiet. My introverted side can also make me shy and bashful when it rears it’s head, usually around the same time that I’m fighting some insecurity.
I have a “nothing box” but the last several years of need to handle business has left it with cobwebs and dust bunnies. I do hope to find it again. I hope you help me find it.
I love art, music, books, creating, animals, writing, camping, traveling, nature, mountains, etc. Notice I did not say math.
If I love you, if I love anyone really, I love with my whole heart. There is no small piece reserved for me in it. I just love wholeheartedly. I am the WORST at showing it. But if I love you, it is in stone and also fragile as thin glass. Be gentle and that glass will thicken and strengthen. The love written on my heart will not go, but my belief in it lasting or staying is what is fragile. So show me you mean to stay. And I will show I mean to stay, as well.
To my mother’s deep chagrin I am embarrassingly unobservant. Note the second point in this list. There is a side of my brain that says “not my business” which can lead me into a trap if someone asks “Did you see their hair?” “What are they wearing?” “Who were they talking to?” “Did you ask such and such?” Let me be clear, I did not ask. I did not notice. It was, to my brain, none of my business, unless they chose to share it with me. In which case, I may have filed it under ‘do not share’ and promptly forgot – still leaving me in the dark when someone asks questions that my brain says are ‘nosy’.
I think 8 points is plenty for an introduction, right? Maybe I’ll have a series. But for now, let’s stop here. It’s a lot to take in. Make sure you’re prepared. 🤣
I can’t get this out of my head. Maybe writing it here will help, if I can get it down right.
Over the years, there have been sayings that arise from the unique situation of Jesus’s betrayer also being with Him at the last supper. I’m sure you’ve heard “Jesus washed Judas’s feet” or “Judas ate too.” This week I heard another and can’t stop thinking about it. I heard someone say, “Jesus loved so well, no one knew it was Judas.”
I have been wrecked.
That one statement has taken me back to the very beginning of Jesus’ ministry. I think I had just brushed over all that. Partly because it was unthinkable to me. But also, because these sayings center on the Passover dinner shared the night Jesus was betrayed. My thinking was focused on one event in time.
Until I heard the last one. “Jesus loved so well, no one knew it was Judas.” I started thinking about how well Jesus had to love for that to be true. And we know it was true. At the last supper Jesus announced that one of them would betray Him and the disciples wanted to know who. Even when He pointed it out, they missed it. Maybe that was Jesus working to preserve the peace while letting Judas know that He expected the betrayal. But I started wondering how I would have taken it.
I think when the disciples heard that news, they started looking back in their memory, to see which of them was capable of such a thing. I’m sure they filtered through moments in the last year or two to see who might have the ability to betray their friend, the Son of God. And they came up with nothing. They could not find anything to point out the offender.
Judas was obviously a very good man or a very good pretender.
When you consider that Jesus sent the twelve out to preach the gospel and heal the sick (Matthew 10, Mark 3:16-19, Luke 6:14-16) and Judas was part of the group, you realize he was no pretender. Even Peter tells the believers in Acts 1:15 that Judas “was one of our number and shared in our ministry.” Judas is named in every account as both one of their number and as the betrayer. Peter tells the believers in Acts that Judas had a role to fill. Each gospel points out that duality.
But I got hung up on the fact that Jesus chose Judas. Yes, Judas was one of the twelve. My mind, though, goes to the fact that Jesus knew when He chose Judas. He knew what Judas’s role was and never once let on to anyone else that it was Judas. For three years they traveled together, ate together, ministered together. Judas even had charge of the group’s money (John 13:29). Jesus could just as easily have chosen another to keep the money.
Jesus ate, traveled, laughed, talked, and ministered with Judas for three years. The disciples couldn’t bring one thought to mind of who could betray Jesus?
Jesus loved Judas so well that He never treated Judas any different from the other disciples.
I am not on Jesus’s level, of course. But I doubt that I can do that. Look my betrayer in the face every day and not be “off” where they were concerned? I’m sure my human nature would break at some point and want to shun them or call them out. It took Jesus to help me forgive those who have hurt me. Living with them every day and treating them like one of the family would take a miracle.
It makes me realize how much work I must do.
I have a lot of work to do to squelch my self-serving parts. I need to allow the Holy Spirit to reign in my actions and my thoughts. I have a lot of work still to do to put Jesus out front and make myself stand behind Him.
I don’t think I will ever look at Judas the same. He’s known for being a thief and a betrayer. The One whom he betrayed loved him deeply. The love was so profound that even Peter called him one of their own. He was loved so well by Jesus that no one knew he would betray Jesus.
I don’t want to be Judas.
Of course I don’t want to betray Jesus. I don’t want the guilt of knowing I was loved so well and turned my back on it. I want to always see the forgiveness available and not be crushed by the guilt.
Guilt does not have to crush us. We can turn to the One who loves us and ask Him for forgiveness and receive it. He is ready to forgive us if we are ready to give Him our guilt. If you are living under a crushing weight of guilt, come to Jesus. Give it to Him. Pray with me:
“Jesus, thank You for Your overwhelming love. I need You to take this guilt from me, Lord. I’m so sorry for my actions and the things that I have done. I ask You to take this weight from me and forgive me. I choose You and I choose to follow You and give up the life that led me into this guilt. Thank You Lord for saving me. Amen”
Have you been hurt by someone who claims to be a Christian? Do you wonder why God allows bad things to happen? Do you question if He exists based on these things?
If you’re human, your answer is probably a resounding YES!
I have a few friends, from all walks of life, who have decided that they want nothing to do with God or deny His existence based on hurts perpetrated by those who claim to know Him. And while my heart aches for the hurt they’ve endured, I’m deeply saddened by the joy they miss out on.
I’m no theologian, nor do I have the space here to dive into a deep philosophical discussion. What I can do is present my experience and belief and let you be the judge.
Humans are flawed. There is not one who is perfect, except Jesus, when He spent time on Earth as a human. Everyone else? Mistake ridden, evil hearted, self-serving, flawed people. The only ones who have managed to take a step in a better direction are those who have a relationship with God. And even then, they are full of miscalculation, unintended slights, and general obliviousness to others’ feelings. For those people, they’ve never intended to hurt others, but it still happens.
Well, why does God allow it? Good question. Of course, the only logical answer is that if you want all that to stop, you just have to end humanity. Completely. Harsh.
I’ve heard, “Well, He could just stop them from doing that.” True. But then that takes away their choice, their free will. If He takes away theirs, then it takes away yours by default. Is that really what you want?
God desires us to get to know Him, really get to know Him, by choice. What kind of relationship is it if you’re there because you have to be? How much sweeter is it, when you’re there because you want to be? Once you get introduced to Him, He wants you to make decisions based on your relationship with Him. I would no sooner buy a car without my husband’s input than I would take a job without God’s. He desires a real relationship where He is talked with (not to), where He is consulted for decisions, and where He gets to spend time with you. But it is your decision. Always. He will not brow beat you. He will not take away your free choice to decide on Him.
On the other hand, the humans that you measure God by constantly fail. Man will never measure up. So if you are turning your back on God because of man, your eyes are on the wrong measuring stick.
It’s hard to live in a world where people run rampant over others and their feelings, but there is One who rules over all of it. If you let Him, He can rule over your heart. He can help you find compassion, faith, peace, and true joy. Better than that, He can help you grow in them. You may find some pale, anemic form of those things without Him. With Him, though, you can grow it tenfold!
That, my friends, should be the goal. Grow compassion. Grow faith. Grow peace. Grow joy. Become less like the self-serving people that offend and hurt. Become more like God, abounding in patience and kindness. Let God guide you into a life filled with peace and joy and understand that it IS guidance and not control.
He isn’t doing mass manipulation.
He’s doing individual improvement.
So the person you’ve allowed to be the measuring stick is still in their own improvement plan. That’s assuming they’re friends with Him. Don’t let the ones who don’t measure up (as in everyone, everywhere) stop you from claiming the joy that He brings when you open up to Him.
Everything is between you and Him. Make Him your confidant. He’s the only one who measures up.
If you don’t know Him as your friend, start now! Pray this prayer:
Lord, thank You for caring about me. Thank You for coming to earth, dying on the cross, raising to life, and giving me hope and a future. Please forgive me of my sins and make me new by becoming the Lord of my heart. I invite You to lead me each day to get to know You better. Thank You for saving me. I pray this in the name of Jesus. Amen.
Are you struggling with sins of the past? Do you wonder what God could ever see in you? Do you think you have too many scars to be of any value? We have all felt that way, at some point in our lives. But we have hope! God tells us that He loves us. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. So His love for us never changes! Still not sure? Let me introduce you to Snuggles.
When I was around six years old, I was given a doll as a gift. She was the most beautiful thing ever, as far as I was concerned. I didn’t even know I needed her until I met her. I loved everything about her! Her blond hair was beautiful. Her soft purple body was comforting. The mechanism that made her snuggle amazed me. I couldn’t imagine not loving her. Almost instantly (possibly that same night) I got sick and threw up on her. I was horrified! She was the best thing ever and I just made the biggest mess! On her! Then in an attempt to clean her up, it was decided to put her in the washing machine. That was a mistake. By the time she got through the washing and air drying, her snuggle mechanism was seriously affected. It no longer worked properly. And then over the years there were accidents. A tear here, a lost thread there; and her hair started getting that tangled shabby look. But I still loved her. None of the scars changed how I felt about her. She was the first doll I ever remember owning and she was special to me. That was over 40 years ago and I still have her. My friend, Carolyn, helped me straighten out her hair, removed the defective snuggle mechanism, and patched up any holes. And while she looks better, she will never look the way she did coming out of the box.
“For great is His love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the LORD.” Psalm 117:2
Do you think that those stitches on her body affected the way I felt about her? Did the missing mechanism change my feelings? Did the crazy hair change how I looked at her? Does it change how I see her now? Does it make me love her less? Absolutely not! In fact, she is more precious to me because she has survived these things! And yes, I still have her. She has been with me through multiple moves. It didn’t matter if items were lost. Lack of space was never an issue. It doesn’t matter that I am old enough now to pass her down to a grandchild when they come along. Do you know that the Lord loves you in this same way? He doesn’t see the scars. He doesn’t care how messy you are. He just loves you. You. Exactly the way you are. He loves you too much to leave you that way, but He loves you in spite of the mess and the scars.
God cherishes us. It’s even better than the way I cherish this poor 40+ year old doll. The doll has stitches, crazy hair, and a missing mechanism but I love her. And He loves us. Each of us. In our own way. But He loves us too much to let us stay ragged and dirty. He loves us enough to want us to be better, to be more like Him. Can you imagine if I had kept the doll but never washed the vomit off of her? What if I had never repaired the holes in her body? She would still be precious to me, certainly. But I can guarantee that I would not have her near me where I could smell her or see her. I am human, though. Our stench does not offend God. There is nothing that you could do, have done, or are doing that makes Him love you less. Nothing. But He isn’t going to leave you the way you are, either. As you come to Him (with your mess, your brokenness, and your wounds) He is faithful to meet you. He is faithful in His love for you. And He gently prods us to put away the old and become new in Him.
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26
I have put much repair into Snuggles. Despite this, she will never look exactly the same as when she came out of the box. We, as God’s children, have a different outcome. As we grow in God, we become more like Him. We have the eternal promise that one day, no one will be able to see our scars. When we enter heaven, we will have nothing of the old slowing us down. No shame to hold us back. No fear of people’s opinions to make us shrink into ourselves. We will be new in Christ and He will be our light! Between here and eternity, we can get a head start on letting God make us new. A daily talk with Him, time in His word are some steps we can take now. Studying who God is and who we are in Him will lead us into more life changing steps. These steps will help stitch up the broken seams, wash the filth from us, and remove the broken elements. These steps will make us into even more newness. The more of these steps you take, the less you look like the old you! The less you look like the old you, the more you look like Christ! Snuggles can never look as she did when she was new. Even if she is clean and fully repaired, that new look is lost forever. Unlike Snuggles, we have a greater hope! We can be transformed into something that doesn’t even resemble the person we once were. What a testimony! What a signal of hope to someone else who feels that their scars are too much for God.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” 2 Corinthians 5:17
It was the most amazing real life example to me of what I was watching on the big screen.
A friend and I had decided to go see Jesus Revolution and there weren’t many seats left. We opted for seats in between already selected ones, which put me next to a complete stranger. The stranger was on my left, while my friend sat on my right.
It seemed as soon as the movie started, the stranger was unhappy. He grumbled and huffed through the first half of the movie at every scene that didn’t agree with his viewpoint. I could hear him talking to the characters. “Just go get more drugs,” he said snidely. “Well, you deserve that,” he said another time. “Stupid” was heard repeatedly. He seemed so angry. The first half of the movie was spent listening to his ranting on my left side.
Meanwhile, my friend on my right was vocal with his “amen” and “that’s right”. I started to get vocal as well, but mostly because the words and spirit coming at my left was bringing it out in me. I needed to counteract all that negative oppression.
I couldn’t help but think how much of the point the stranger was missing. The movie was meant to drive home the point that we ALL are looking to fill a void. And that void will only be filled with one thing. Like it or not, the journeys to discovering our need for Jesus are all varied, and no one person can tell anyone else what it’s supposed to look like on that journey. We have a better idea of what it should look like after we find Jesus than what it should look like before finding Him. But even that is unique to each person and can’t be cookie-cut into uniformity.
All I could hear out of the stranger on my left was condemnation and minimalization. Had he no clue that sin is sin? That there is no such thing as degrees? Has he not heard “for we all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23)? Did he never once question whether he might be the reason someone didn’t find God? We are not to be a stumbling block (2 Cor 6:3). I wonder if he didn’t see himself in the elders of the church that were portrayed in the movie. So sure they are right and that “those people” aren’t welcome, their attendance was dwindling, and the church was on the brink of failure. This stranger on my left only offered defeat to the defeated and I felt sorry for him, thinking he didn’t have any idea of who Jesus really is and what the character of God is really like.
And then on my right was my friend, a ray of hope. As he watched the scenes unfold, he was offering encouragement and agreement with those who were trying to reach the lost in the movie. He obviously felt a hope for those portrayed as hopeless, and his vocalization of it was a soothing balm compared to the contrary spirit on my other side. I have no doubt that those who struggle would find comfort in my friend’s hopeful demeanor. I know he gets it when it comes to the lost. They aren’t all pretty. They aren’t all put together. They aren’t all perfect. But Jesus loves them the same way as He loves my friend. And God’s grace is just as real to him as it is to those poor souls portrayed in the film. He points the hopeless to our Great Hope.
To sit in the middle of these two warring spirits was odd. The stranger on my left, so insistent that only the good belong. My friend on the right, just as insistent (or rather, understanding) that there is no one good enough. It was like some cartoon of the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. And it makes me wonder. How many Christians do I know who side with the stranger? How many do I know who side with my friend? What will it take to convert the stranger, and others like him, to Jesus’s side? Why do they think Jesus primarily did His ministry outside of the synagogue? Are they content to play the role of Pharisee?
Around halfway through the movie, the stranger on my left got up and made his way out of the movie. To say the tension dropped would be an understatement. It was like going from a blizzard to a warm, sunny day in 30 seconds. And I was able to enjoy the rest of the movie.
Can I just encourage you?
If you feel like “those people” (whoever that might be to you) don’t belong in the house of God, or don’t deserve a chance to meet Him, find it in the Bible for me where Jesus himself set that standard. Knowing He traveled with women (ack!), fishermen (groan), tax collectors and former prostitutes (faint), in order to reach the ones that the Pharisees never could, should open your eyes to God’s grace. Knowing you don’t deserve that grace any more than they do because there are no degrees to sin should open your eyes to God’s mercy. In God’s eyes, there are none of “those” people. Or, better yet, there are only “those” people, and it includes you and me.
And if looking for your standard in Jesus’s actions doesn’t work out for you, then pray. Pray the Lord show you His grace. Pray He covers you with mercy. Pray He opens your eyes and your heart to receive understanding.
Stand up, be heard, be kind! 