Tag: faith

Jesus CHOSE Judas

I can’t get this out of my head.  Maybe writing it here will help, if I can get it down right.  

Over the years, there have been sayings that arise from the unique situation of Jesus’s betrayer also being with Him at the last supper.  I’m sure you’ve heard “Jesus washed Judas’s feet” or “Judas ate too.”  This week I heard another and can’t stop thinking about it.  I heard someone say, “Jesus loved so well, no one knew it was Judas.”  

I have been wrecked.  

That one statement has taken me back to the very beginning of Jesus’ ministry.  I think I had just brushed over all that.  Partly because it was unthinkable to me.  But also, because these sayings center on the Passover dinner shared the night Jesus was betrayed.  My thinking was focused on one event in time.  

Until I heard the last one.  “Jesus loved so well, no one knew it was Judas.” I started thinking about how well Jesus had to love for that to be true. And we know it was true. At the last supper Jesus announced that one of them would betray Him and the disciples wanted to know who.  Even when He pointed it out, they missed it.  Maybe that was Jesus working to preserve the peace while letting Judas know that He expected the betrayal.  But I started wondering how I would have taken it.  

I think when the disciples heard that news, they started looking back in their memory, to see which of them was capable of such a thing.  I’m sure they filtered through moments in the last year or two to see who might have the ability to betray their friend, the Son of God.  And they came up with nothing. They could not find anything to point out the offender.  

Judas was obviously a very good man or a very good pretender.  

When you consider that Jesus sent the twelve out to preach the gospel and heal the sick (Matthew 10, Mark 3:16-19, Luke 6:14-16) and Judas was part of the group, you realize he was no pretender.  Even Peter tells the believers in Acts 1:15 that Judas “was one of our number and shared in our ministry.” Judas is named in every account as both one of their number and as the betrayer. Peter tells the believers in Acts that Judas had a role to fill. Each gospel points out that duality.  

But I got hung up on the fact that Jesus chose Judas.  Yes, Judas was one of the twelve.  My mind, though, goes to the fact that Jesus knew when He chose Judas.  He knew what Judas’s role was and never once let on to anyone else that it was Judas. For three years they traveled together, ate together, ministered together. Judas even had charge of the group’s money (John 13:29).  Jesus could just as easily have chosen another to keep the money.   

Jesus ate, traveled, laughed, talked, and ministered with Judas for three years. The disciples couldn’t bring one thought to mind of who could betray Jesus? 

Jesus loved Judas so well that He never treated Judas any different from the other disciples.   

I am not on Jesus’s level, of course.  But I doubt that I can do that.  Look my betrayer in the face every day and not be “off” where they were concerned?  I’m sure my human nature would break at some point and want to shun them or call them out.  It took Jesus to help me forgive those who have hurt me. Living with them every day and treating them like one of the family would take a miracle.  

It makes me realize how much work I must do.   

I have a lot of work to do to squelch my self-serving parts. I need to allow the Holy Spirit to reign in my actions and my thoughts. I have a lot of work still to do to put Jesus out front and make myself stand behind Him.  

I don’t think I will ever look at Judas the same. He’s known for being a thief and a betrayer. The One whom he betrayed loved him deeply. The love was so profound that even Peter called him one of their own. He was loved so well by Jesus that no one knew he would betray Jesus. 

I don’t want to be Judas.  

Of course I don’t want to betray Jesus. I don’t want the guilt of knowing I was loved so well and turned my back on it. I want to always see the forgiveness available and not be crushed by the guilt.  

Guilt does not have to crush us. We can turn to the One who loves us and ask Him for forgiveness and receive it.  He is ready to forgive us if we are ready to give Him our guilt. If you are living under a crushing weight of guilt, come to Jesus. Give it to Him. Pray with me: 

“Jesus, thank You for Your overwhelming love.  I need You to take this guilt from me, Lord. I’m so sorry for my actions and the things that I have done.  I ask You to take this weight from me and forgive me.  I choose You and I choose to follow You and give up the life that led me into this guilt. Thank You Lord for saving me. Amen” 

Man Never Measures Up

Have you been hurt by someone who claims to be a Christian? Do you wonder why God allows bad things to happen? Do you question if He exists based on these things?

If you’re human, your answer is probably a resounding YES!

I have a few friends, from all walks of life, who have decided that they want nothing to do with God or deny His existence based on hurts perpetrated by those who claim to know Him.  And while my heart aches for the hurt they’ve endured, I’m deeply saddened by the joy they miss out on. 

I’m no theologian, nor do I have the space here to dive into a deep philosophical discussion.  What I can do is present my experience and belief and let you be the judge. 

Humans are flawed. There is not one who is perfect, except Jesus, when He spent time on Earth as a human. Everyone else? Mistake ridden, evil hearted, self-serving, flawed people.  The only ones who have managed to take a step in a better direction are those who have a relationship with God. And even then, they are full of miscalculation, unintended slights, and general obliviousness to others’ feelings. For those people, they’ve never intended to hurt others, but it still happens. 

Well, why does God allow it? Good question. Of course, the only logical answer is that if you want all that to stop, you just have to end humanity.  Completely.  Harsh.

I’ve heard, “Well, He could just stop them from doing that.” True. But then that takes away their choice, their free will. If He takes away theirs, then it takes away yours by default. Is that really what you want?

God desires us to get to know Him, really get to know Him, by choice. What kind of relationship is it if you’re there because you have to be? How much sweeter is it, when you’re there because you want to be? Once you get introduced to Him, He wants you to make decisions based on your relationship with Him.  I would no sooner buy a car without my husband’s input than I would take a job without God’s. He desires a real relationship where He is talked with (not to), where He is consulted for decisions, and where He gets to spend time with you.  But it is your decision.  Always.  He will not brow beat you.  He will not take away your free choice to decide on Him.

On the other hand, the humans that you measure God by constantly fail.  Man will never measure up. So if you are turning your back on God because of man, your eyes are on the wrong measuring stick. 

It’s hard to live in a world where people run rampant over others and their feelings, but there is One who rules over all of it. If you let Him, He can rule over your heart.  He can help you find compassion, faith, peace, and true joy.  Better than that, He can help you grow in them.  You may find some pale, anemic form of those things without Him.   With Him, though, you can grow it tenfold!

That, my friends, should be the goal.  Grow compassion.  Grow faith.  Grow peace.  Grow joy.  Become less like the self-serving people that offend and hurt.  Become more like God,  abounding in patience and kindness.  Let God guide you into a life filled with peace and joy and understand that it IS guidance and not control. 

He isn’t doing mass manipulation. 

He’s doing individual improvement. 

So the person you’ve allowed to be the measuring stick is still in their own improvement plan. That’s assuming they’re friends with Him. Don’t let the ones who don’t measure up (as in everyone, everywhere) stop you from claiming the joy that He brings when you open up to Him. 

Everything is between you and Him. Make Him your confidant.  He’s the only one who measures up.

If you don’t know Him as your friend, start now! Pray this prayer:

Lord, thank You for caring about me.  Thank You for coming to earth, dying on the cross, raising to life, and giving me hope and a future.  Please forgive me of my sins and make me new by becoming the Lord of my heart.  I invite You to lead me each day to get to know You better.  Thank You for saving me. I pray this in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

 

You are new!

You are new!

Are you struggling with sins of the past? Do you wonder what God could ever see in you? Do you think you have too many scars to be of any value? We have all felt that way, at some point in our lives. But we have hope! God tells us that He loves us. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. So His love for us never changes! Still not sure? Let me introduce you to Snuggles.

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When I was around six years old, I was given a doll as a gift. She was the most beautiful thing ever, as far as I was concerned. I didn’t even know I needed her until I met her. I loved everything about her! Her blond hair was beautiful. Her soft purple body was comforting. The mechanism that made her snuggle amazed me. I couldn’t imagine not loving her. Almost instantly (possibly that same night) I got sick and threw up on her. I was horrified! She was the best thing ever and I just made the biggest mess! On her! Then in an attempt to clean her up, it was decided to put her in the washing machine. That was a mistake. By the time she got through the washing and air drying, her snuggle mechanism was seriously affected. It no longer worked properly. And then over the years there were accidents. A tear here, a lost thread there; and her hair started getting that tangled shabby look. But I still loved her. None of the scars changed how I felt about her. She was the first doll I ever remember owning and she was special to me. That was over 40 years ago and I still have her. My friend, Carolyn, helped me straighten out her hair, removed the defective snuggle mechanism, and patched up any holes. And while she looks better, she will never look the way she did coming out of the box.

“For great is His love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the LORD.” Psalm 117:2

Do you think that those stitches on her body affected the way I felt about her? Did the missing mechanism change my feelings? Did the crazy hair change how I looked at her? Does it change how I see her now? Does it make me love her less? Absolutely not! In fact, she is more precious to me because she has survived these things! And yes, I still have her. She has been with me through multiple moves. It didn’t matter if items were lost. Lack of space was never an issue. It doesn’t matter that I am old enough now to pass her down to a grandchild when they come along. Do you know that the Lord loves you in this same way? He doesn’t see the scars. He doesn’t care how messy you are. He just loves you. You. Exactly the way you are. He loves you too much to leave you that way, but He loves you in spite of the mess and the scars.

God cherishes us. It’s even better than the way I cherish this poor 40+ year old doll. The doll has stitches, crazy hair, and a missing mechanism but I love her. And He loves us.  Each of us.  In our own way.  But He loves us too much to let us stay ragged and dirty. He loves us enough to want us to be better, to be more like Him.  Can you imagine if I had kept the doll but never washed the vomit off of her? What if I had never repaired the holes in her body? She would still be precious to me, certainly. But I can guarantee that I would not have her near me where I could smell her or see her. I am human, though. Our stench does not offend God. There is nothing that you could do, have done, or are doing that makes Him love you less.  Nothing.  But He isn’t going to leave you the way you are, either. As you come to Him (with your mess, your brokenness, and your wounds) He is faithful to meet you. He is faithful in His love for you. And He gently prods us to put away the old and become new in Him.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26

I have put much repair into Snuggles. Despite this, she will never look exactly the same as when she came out of the box. We, as God’s children, have a different outcome. As we grow in God, we become more like Him. We have the eternal promise that one day, no one will be able to see our scars. When we enter heaven, we will have nothing of the old slowing us down. No shame to hold us back. No fear of people’s opinions to make us shrink into ourselves. We will be new in Christ and He will be our light! Between here and eternity, we can get a head start on letting God make us new. A daily talk with Him, time in His word are some steps we can take now. Studying who God is and who we are in Him will lead us into more life changing steps. These steps will help stitch up the broken seams, wash the filth from us, and remove the broken elements. These steps will make us into even more newness. The more of these steps you take, the less you look like the old you! The less you look like the old you, the more you look like Christ! Snuggles can never look as she did when she was new. Even if she is clean and fully repaired, that new look is lost forever. Unlike Snuggles, we have a greater hope! We can be transformed into something that doesn’t even resemble the person we once were. What a testimony! What a signal of hope to someone else who feels that their scars are too much for God.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” 2 Corinthians 5:17

Perspective

FeaturedPerspective

Today I was late to church.

I struggled all morning and had really decided NOT to go. But about half an hour before the service started, I realized I had to be in town anyway for a couple of things and so decided to go ahead and go to church.
My struggle today had nothing to do with the time change or this allergy cold that hit me last week. My struggle today had everything to do with the fact that I was headed, once again, to a service by myself. And I just didn’t want to.


Now, I have attended church for years, primarily by myself. Most days, I just breeze right in without a thought or care of my singleness. But there are days. Days like today. Where it hits me hard. I don’t love being single. I’m in no hurry to be part of a duo, but I’m not in love with being single forever.
There were a lot of years, too, where I was married and still attended singly. If you have been in a similar situation, you can testify that it can be even MORE difficult when your soul’s desire is a helpmate to lead spiritually in the household. Someone to take your hand and say, “Let’s go to the house of the Lord.” But for the majority of my Christian walk, I go alone.


And today I was late. I walked into the service and saw a full house and wanted to cry at the thought of telling the usher I just needed one seat.
So I fled to the balcony, praying there would be seats. There were.
I had a talk with Jesus during worship. I asked forgiveness for my tooty attitude. I thanked Him for the opportunity to come to church in a country that so far has not outlawed it. And I solidified my vow that regardless of my relationship status, I serve Him, and Him only.


He reminded me that this place of worship I attend is FULL of people I know and love and that some of them love me back. I looked over the balcony wall to the congregation below and saw so many of those very people. And nearly every one of them had an empty seat next to them. He pointed out that had I not let my feelings take over, I could have found a spot. I could have sat in community with friends who also worship my God. And He reminded me this is temporary. This season is short in the grand scheme. At the end of this season, I’ll either no longer be alone or no longer be lonely. And the One who fills that spot will be there either way.

But He also reminded me that there are a multitude of people, even just in this town, that don’t attend church for this very reason. People who don’t have a community yet. People who face the daunting prospect of walking into a place where they know no one. People who walk into an unfamiliar building just hoping that someone will be friendly and hospitable and welcoming.

He reminded me that today I had not been that person that He asked me to be. I was not welcoming. I was not hospitable. I was not friendly. I had curled into myself and pouted. Certainly, we are allowed to be human. And humans have feelings. But I chose to let my feelings lead me instead of making the choice to let Him have those feelings and put Him front and center for someone else who may have felt that singleness.

He was ever so gentle. I was ever so chastised.

Lord, help me be the person You have called me to be.

Changing God’s Mind

Changing God’s Mind

I have a question that I have been asking God for . . . oh, about 18 years now. I started asking the question when life seemed incredibly, ridiculously hard. Part of me wondered, had I brought this on myself? Part of me railed at God for not moving me out of the trials. Part of me blamed others for making my life harder.

So I asked Him. Is there a difference, Lord, between Your will and Your Perfect Will? For 18 years that question has popped up repeatedly. What have I done wrong, God? Where are You? Why are things so difficult? I’m doing what you asked. I’m attending church, I’m reading the Word, I’m praying. But, good grief, why? Why all this strife? Why all this misery? What if I had not followed my heart and chose to stop to listen to You? But what about Your influence in the path that I was on?

Dear Reader, let me tell you a story . . .

I was born originally into a house of alcoholism, abuse and neglect. These are not stories that I heard of my upbringing; these are the memories I have of my childhood. At the age of 6 I was rescued. An aunt and uncle figured out the problem and I went to live with them. All of that is a story in itself. But, escape I did, and went to live with the aunt and uncle. From now on I will refer to them as Mom and Dad.

I lived with Mom and Dad from the age of 6 to the age of 12. At the age of 12, Dad decided to leave us, so I lived with Mom until the age of 25 (basically. I mean, I had that temporary stint out on my own, but you know . . .) Anyway, all of that was angst to me until I broke free of it at 19. It took me a while. I was ungrateful, angry, resentful, and took “poor, pitiful me” to a whole other level. But God got my attention, and I started making necessary changes in my thought processes. That was when I started to become friends with God. And He and I were pals. I still made mistakes. Show me a 19 year old that doesn’t! But I was learning and leaning. I was taking in what I could. It was rough and bumpy and filled with heartache, but I knew God had my back, I knew He loved me and would never leave me.

At 24 I met a man. He is currently my husband, but when I first met him, I was not impressed. He was everything I wasn’t looking for, I was sure of it. While I had grown up in a strict household and attended a very strict church, he seemed to have not had any of that. That was all just looks, on the surface, though. As I got to know him -mostly because he kept popping up in front of me, sometimes through no fault of his own- I realized that his heart was beautiful. And I fell for the heart. I didn’t know what it meant back then but looking back now I see that we were unequally yoked. While his core principles were the same and he loved God, we were still on different playing fields. At the dumb age of 24, I just believed that it gave us depth. I could not have been more wrong. What we have now because of it, is depth. What it gave us back then was heartache.

But God had a hand in it all. I just didn’t know that until MUCH later. To hear my husband say “but I prayed for you. I prayed that God would send me someone who would love me the way I needed to be loved,” actually broke my heart. God set me on this path. He directed my steps. Yes, I was foolish and made mistakes. Yes, I brought a lot of misery on myself. But it was also already orchestrated and set in motion.

He has his own story to tell and maybe one day he will let me tell it. But for now we’ll leave it at the very basic explanation that he had trust issues. Rightfully so, I might add. But still . . . I had to account for every second I wasn’t in his presence. This was before cell phones, you youngsters, so imagine having to tell someone your whereabouts every five minutes but you have lost your phone and no one around you has one either, except that ancient land line. Yeah. Deserted island and no communication but tell me where you are! It stressed me out so much while we were engaged that I broke it off. But when he apologized, and told me that he was wrong, and that he loved me, I believed it. I knew it was true! I just didn’t realize that it wasn’t fixed. And I fell for this man like a ton of bricks, y’all. There was no one else for me. There is no one else for me. We were engaged a year, then got married in 1995. Even with the break up and reconciliation, I fought his constant insecurity and the ever present demand of my time accounting for the next 5 years. At year 3, I started really getting tired of it. I was not a toddler, I was married. He was supposed to be a partner not a jailer. Had there been any indication of abuse in his nature, I would have taken off. However, there was no such bone in his body. Only insecurity and low self-esteem. So I tolerated it. And I was so in love and afraid of confrontation that I was his doormat. Whatever he wanted to accuse me of, it was fine because it wasn’t true. But then I started making poor choices. I was staying out later after work. I was taking my time coming home because I knew it drove him crazy. I would leave the house and not say where I was going. And we would go sometimes as much as a week without talking to each other. None of these were helping my marriage. But I was depressed, and frustrated and stuck between a rock of his insecurity and a hard place of my own making. At year 7 (5 years married), I snapped. I wasn’t doing it anymore. I loved him. I had two beautiful boys by him. But I was not a doormat. Something had to change. I certainly had. Gone was the old me. The new me was scary. The new me was fierce. The new me was still going to fight, but not the way I used to. For Pete’s sake! You will know I’m mad, you will understand my point, and you will back the hell off! And he, bless his heart, had no idea what to do with new Pam. I didn’t know what to do with new Pam. I scared me. I just knew it was going to be different. I was beyond sick of it.

And then I started wondering. Had I brought this on myself? Did my failure to listen to something God might have been telling me lead me down this path? Could this heartache have been avoided by running the other way from the unequal yoking? After 18 years I am still learning the difference between God’s will and God’s Perfect Will. Part of my confusion comes from the vision I had on our third date. We had been talking. I was finally attentive because I had seen his heart, but at this point I was by no means swayed. My roommate came out to tell me something, I turned to her to listen, and when I turned back around, I had a vision. My oldest son sat on his knee. I immediately turned away again. No, God. Just no. I wasn’t ever having children. My upbringing had convinced me that you can never be sure of a partner. Or that, if you were sure of them when it was just the two of you, you couldn’t be sure once kids came along.

Needless to say, I found myself married with children and still struggling. Today, if you asked “Would I do it again?”, I don’t know what my answer would be. But since we can’t go back, I can ask myself, “What can I learn from this?” But, more often, I found myself asking “was this Your will?” And I still draw a blank sometimes. Yes, I had the vision. Does that mean that God was the orchestrator, or does that mean He took my choice and formed a plan? I’ve heard it said “well, God knows everything, even the choices we make, so He is in control of everything.” And I do believe He is in control. But I also know He gives us choices. I think He sets the choices before us, wanting us to make the one that serves Him best, but allowing us to have our desires. The only way we can be in His perfect will is if we are asking Him continuously, “what is Your choice?” And then following His guidance. Where I so often trip up is in the asking for His guidance. I’m sure that, had I asked, so many of the trials could have been avoided. Had I sought God’s guidance, I could have missed some of the misery entirely. But I think that some of it still would have been my lot, because we grow from the trials. At least, we should. If you are in the middle of difficulty and your eyes are turned toward God, you can’t help but learn. If you are facing sorrow, and you don’t ask why but ask what can I learn from this, you will definitely grow in the Lord. Are you facing a storm? In the middle of difficulty? Need an answer? Stop asking “why me?” Why you? Because everyone goes through trouble, and usually because we don’t line our choices up with God’s Word or His choices. Learn to pray “Your will be done” and to ask what His will is. Part of what we fail to understand, though, is that not only do we have freedom of choice, but so do all the other people in our sphere of influence. And just because you may be following God’s guidance, doesn’t mean that everyone else is. While we are certainly subject to the consequences of our own decisions, sometimes we are also subject to the consequences of the decisions of others. There is no limit to the ways our lives are buffeted by others. The important thing is to do your part of following after God and trust that He is looking out for you. You can do nothing about the other people and their choices, nor can you force them into doing things your way. The only thing you can do is take charge of your own emotions, and then give EVERYTHING up to God.

Can you change His mind? Sure. Read Exodus, Jeremiah, Amos, Jonah. I’m not sure it’s a true change of thought, though. It seems much more a father relenting than anything else. But the “effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” He listens to us and grants us our prayers when they line up with His true nature (love) and shine the light on His glory and Presence.

Would I change His mind, if I could go back and fervently pray for a pass? I think I possibly could have. But then it wouldn’t have been me loving my husband. It would have been someone else. And they may not have done as good a job as I have. And I wouldn’t have the two beautiful man-children that I have. Because I was NEVER having kids. I could have changed God’s mind. I’m sure of it. But even with the heartache and trauma, His plan is best. So I’ll just trust His will for my life. This isn’t the life I ordered, but it’s infinitely more beautiful and meaningful that what I picked.

Stop Touching Everything!

As an adult I learned of a “personality test” that helped me figure out what my “Love Language” is. Most of you who know me (or know someone who knows me) knows what I’m talking about. But if you don’t, read on.

There are 5 love languages: Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Whichever of these languages you speak, you probably are very good at living them. Typically, if your love language is Receiving Gifts, you give them as well as you receive them. If Words of Affirmation make you feel loved, you probably affirm the people in your life. You get the idea.

There is also the possibility that you have been deeply scarred by the wrong use/negative end of the language. If you speak Quality Time then the lack of it as a child can be detrimental to your feelings of self worth. If you cherish Acts of Service but had to fend for yourself as a child, then you are probably living the polar opposite of your language.

My Love Language is Physical Touch. In my early childhood I experienced the very negative end of my love language. When I was adopted at the age of 6, I had to learn to adapt to healthy forms of touch. I think I was very resistant to ANY touch though, because I don’t remember much of it, although it may have been there. My memory is very faulty. If I had to explain it, I’d say that if the situation wasn’t hugely life altering, I didn’t focus on the event. So much of my life, to this day, is wiped clean in my memories because it wasn’t earth shattering. I remember the important stuff, like the birth of my children. But when we went to the bay and swam that one time and it was so great, you know? No. I don’t remember. So, basically, my life is great! How can I be bogged down by that one time that kid was mean to me, if I don’t remember it? And I have recovered so much from the early trauma, thanks to Mom who was my counselor, that I operate in my love language in a healthy way.

Still, there are some memories that hang in there. Like Dad tossing me in the air, or Mama giving me a squeeze. But I think, because they are associated with touch, that is why they stick. Including the memory (well, memories) of my mom saying things like “Do you have to touch every one”, “Quit touching those”, and “Stop touching everything.” (Sorry Mom 😉). I have to say, that even as an adult, I still catch myself running my hand along a clothes rack or just touching that breakable thing that I’m afraid to pick up. I loved my kids when they were little (and babysitting now) because I love hugs and snuggles and face patting.

So when I took this test (which you can find here http://www.5lovelanguages.com/) I was not surprised by the outcome. There were other categories that definitely made sense to me, but I knew physical touch would be the main one. It’s not that you can’t operate in more than one area. In fact the better rounded you are the closer the gaps between categories. But, even now, if you think about it there is probably one strikingly obvious answer. My question, though, is this: if you have an obvious answer, whether because you took the test or because one of those categories stands out to you, do you have childhood memories that reinforced your love language? Like my need to touch, then and today, do you have similar experiences? Whether it is receiving gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, or physical touch, do you have moments that stand out like that?

To take it a step further, do you know your spouse’s love language? Your child’s? What have you done today to speak their language? Have they spoken yours? Language, you know, is a two way street. One needs to speak so another can understand and vice versa.

Let’s go one step farther. Your closest circle of friends. Do you know their language? Have you tried to learn? What makes them tick? I confess, I am no giant in this area. I have a lot to learn about my friends and loved ones. Hopefully, you are farther along than I am. But I’m getting there. And that’s how we’ll build community.

Self-inflicted suffering

“You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing everything with logic; true power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you; breathe and allow things to pass.” -Unknown

In today’s world it seems that most people are ready to be offended at the slightest thing. It’s one thing for a child to take to heart the hurtful words thrown his way, and quite another for an adult to get offended because someone else’s view doesn’t match their own.

My previous post talks about hurtful words. This post is about taking away that power. Words can only hurt you if you let them. At some point in your life, and hopefully before you become an adult, you have to realize that words are just words. And even if they hurt, you can control the power they have over you by controlling your own reaction. The only power anyone and any word can have over you is the power you give it.

I know a man who says to himself everyday “I am my own sunshine.” Don’t get me wrong, he loves God. He lives for God. But telling himself this phrase is his way of reminding himself that he does not have to let the shadows of negativity in. He can remain the calmest person in the face of the biggest meltdown. And he has seen some doozies! Regardless of the emotional whirlwind in front of him, he can stand still and let the storm pass. And he doesn’t take it personally. He’s the better for it, too.

Learning this lesson is tough. Especially in today’s world where everyone has the right to be offended and to say anything they want because, hey, free speech. Matthew 24:10 says “And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.” In the prophetic words of Jesus, we see American society today. The constant haranguing of anyone with a differing opinion, the excessive need to be right, and the constant trampling of other’s rights in order to be the right one, are all leaving an indelible impression on the next generation. Why should your child learn to “let it go” when you clearly can’t? What, exactly, do we think we are teaching our children? Yes, words hurt. But you can choose to say “that person doesn’t know what they are talking about” or “that does not apply to me, no matter what they say”. Will we teach our children to open a dialogue instead of a name-calling session? Will we teach our children, by our own actions, to put aside those words and focus on their own actions and to take responsibility for them? Teach your daughter, that little Suzy saying she’s ugly, is not only untrue, but shows just how little Suzy thinks of herself.

And teach your son that just because little Justin said he’s dumb, doesn’t make it so . . . and that punching Justin for saying it is just as wrong as Justin saying it. I believe this is why we have so many adults who throw temper tantrums over words. Come on, y’all. They’re just words. You have full control of your own actions and emotions. Take charge. And stop letting the other person control you.

What lesson are you teaching your child? How can you improve your response to hurtful words? Do have conversations about this very thing with your children? In the family, don’t just be the example. Be an example AND an instructor.

My thoughts on raising children

My niece, recently found out she’s having a boy and asked me if I had any advice in the raising of boys. This is what I told her:

1. Be consistent. If you said “no you can’t have candy right before dinner”, that needs to be the rule ALWAYS. “Let your yes be yes and your no be no” is good in this instance, although for proper context, maybe it should be “a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.” Kids will test you 25 million times to see if your answer will always be no or yes. It needs to be. That’s how you build their trust.
2. Pick your battles. Some things aren’t worth fighting over. Let’s say that his newest thing is a contest of wills. If you tell him to go sit in the time out chair and he sits right where he is, well, that works too. He is sitting, which is the goal. Just because it’s not in the exact spot you said doesn’t mean the action didn’t happen. Ephesians 6:4
3. Be firm. You can’t worry about hurting his feelings. No one LIKES to be in trouble (Hebrews 12:11). But that’s how we learn. And don’t get drawn into an argument. YOU are the grown up, he’s a child. But, by the same token, don’t be mean. Ecclesiastes 5:6
4. If you are going to spank, use a spoon or paddle. Never your hand. You want him to be afraid of the spoon, not you. Also, discipline should NEVER be done in anger. Calm yourself down before disciplining. (Www.thegospelcoalition.org/…/seven-principles-for-angry-pa…/)
5. Love, LOVE, love! Believe it or not, there will be days you won’t like him. But you love him anyway, just like God loves you.
6. Food is not a reward or a punishment. It’s survival. Nothing more, nothing less. Don’t fall into “I’ll give you a cookie if . . .” Or “clean your plate or else . . .” There are so many other things that hold a higher importance in life. (Philippians 1:10) Don’t get me going on the psychological damage that can be caused by rewarding or withholding food.
7. Demand obedience when he’s young and it’ll be easier for him when he’s older. Ephesians 6:1-3
8. Give him chores. Appropriate ones at appropriate ages. You can find lists on Google. Chores will keep him realistic. Ecclesiastes 3:22
9. Create in him an attitude of gratitude. It makes a happier kid. And start that early. Like, as soon as he can talk. Every night before bed, when you say prayers with him, list three things you are thankful for. Encourage him to think of some as he grows. A house, food, lights . . . these are all blessings. Too many people go without any of them. And then we in America have soooooooooo much more. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, Hebrews 12:28. (Also:www.verticallivingministries.com/…/10-benefits-of-giving-t…/)
10. Dedicate him to God. Give him back, in a way, to the One who gave Him to you. It is not a baptism. It is merely a symbol of offering your child to God in the hopes that they will in turn trust in God and be trained by Him. 1 Samuel 1:11.

That’s my two cents. What is yours?