Gentle Instruction

A few weeks ago, our pastor challenged our congregation to step beyond ourselves and to give away that which we were needing. Need more joy? Try spreading it to others. Need more faith? Speak it over someone else. Yes, even if you need money, try giving it to those in need. The concept, of course, is that you cannot out-give God. If you are giving from the right place in your heart, then God will return to you what you have given away and will add to it. So he asked us to ask God, who would you have me bless, to whom can I give away the thing I need most. I earnestly sought His answer. Who, Lord, is in need of my help? In my mind’s eye, I saw a friend who had been having health issues and was struggling. But Lord, I visited with her yesterday, and I plan to go again today. Then I saw an outreach program that I am involved in. Yes, Lord, I was just helping there and I need to remember to add to the list. But then my mind was flooded with images of people and places that I have loved on and served and tried to just be there for. And that still small voice spoke to me. “I am well pleased.” Which, of course, made me bawl like a baby. All day.

But we humans. We are rarely satisfied. And I started wondering. If I am okay in the giving department, then what? What do You want me to do, Lord? What is it that I am missing? Because, I obviously am missing something. I am still alive, still kicking, still breathing, so my work is not done. And in the back of my mind, I know what He has told me before, but I, in true Pam form, just ignore it. I pretend like I don’t know it. But the Lord . . . He doesn’t do ‘ignore’. He instructs. Gently. Insistently.

In my case, that came as a dream. My dream took me to a woman’s home. She was no one I know, but she asked me the one question that I have been asking God for the last 15 years, or more (that’s another post, I promise). In my dream, I had the answer, but each time I went to explain it to the woman, she would wander off mid sentence. Apparently, she was looking for something and it bothered her that she couldn’t find what she was looking for. So, while she wanted the answer, she was distracted by the thing she had lost. Each time she left while I tried to give her the answer was making me impatient. In frustration, I picked up a stick and began to write on her wall. I would just leave the answer here so she could see it, when she could concentrate, I thought. And in the middle of my writing, the sun came up through her living room window. I saw a sparkle on the floor. When I went to pick up the item, there was another, then another. There was a trail of things and I realized this was what the woman was looking for. In my earnestness to help, I left the writing undone. Which speaks volumes to me. When I woke up, I knew that God had been showing me something. I also understood that He was talking about my writing. The writing I leave undone in my earnestness to help. The writing that sits in the draft folder and never gets published in this blog. I know that’s what He is telling me. So I am opening up those folders, fine-tuning pieces, and hitting that publish button. Even If it’s for no other reason than to just say that I did. And in the meantime, I have to ask you: What is that thing that the Lord is asking you to do? Are you ignoring Him? Do you even hear that still, small voice prodding You? Trust me when I say that the Lord, He is insistent. But let me also tell you that He isn’t going to talk to you with a big, booming voice or appear in a burning bush. At least, not in my experience. No, no. Our Lord, He is a gentle instructor. He will not force His way. He wants you to choose for yourself. He wants you to choose Him and His kingdom. He will love you regardless of your choice, but choose Him. Choose to do that ONE thing He’s asked of you. And, in the process, you may be giving away what you need. Believe me, He’ll return it tenfold.

Finding hope . . .

There are any number of people who wake up daily with no hope. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, no friends to support them in the hard times, no family to hold them up when things go awry. Sometimes it truly is that they lack those elements in their lives. Sometimes it’s a situation of their own making. Do you know someone who is living hopeless? Someone who goes from day to day drowning in life’s troubles? Do you know anyone that you can encourage and lend hope to?

I was born into a household with alcoholism, physical and sexual abuse, and neglect. When I was around 5 years old, I tried to run away. I can remember two specific failed attempts but there may have been others. It still amazes me that my 5 year old self was more afraid of the inside of the house than what was outside. And I thank God that I never succeeded at running away. Can you imagine? Even in 1976, a child alone on the streets would not have found herself in any good situation. I would have gone from the frying pan into the fire. And had I succeeded, I never would have made it into a better situation. That better situation presented itself when I was 6. I had an aunt and uncle who recognized what was going on and convinced my biological father to sign me over in guardianship (to avoid charges) and we moved out of state.

That aunt and uncle kept me, fed me, clothed me, cared for me. They made me safe. They made me FEEL safe. I got to grow up with their children and I learned how not to live in fear. But more than that, they gave me hope. I discovered I didn’t have to hide somewhere and be quiet. There was no reason for me to be afraid to be noticed. They made me feel safe. They made me part of the family. My aunt, who I call Mom, counseled me and opened the door for me to talk to her. She also encouraged me (when I was a little older) to start a journal. They let me see that life didn’t have to be the way it used to. That I could look forward to things and not be afraid of people. I still tend to be introverted and shy. Sometimes it’s hard for me to meet new people. But if they hadn’t been the patient, loving people they were, you would never have heard from me.

My life hasn’t been easy by any stretch of the imagination. Just because I was rescued from that situation doesn’t mean I still haven’t endured other hardships. But that is life. No one has an easy path. It’s all struggle to the person living it. I can’t hear someone else’s story and think “that’s all you had to deal with?” Because to them, that hardship was huge. For that person, that one thing was just as major as my struggle was to me. No one gets out of life easy. You can’t look at some person you don’t know and assume that they are living free of trouble. Their trouble doesn’t look like your trouble, but that doesn’t make it trouble-free for them. So when you see that person who looks like they have it all together, and they are griping about something that seems ridiculous, try some patience. Try some compassion.

Consider this person: You are standing in line in the grocery store. Maybe you are the third, fourth, or possibly fifth person in line. The lady checking out has coupons and she’s going ballistic because an item she’s trying to buy isn’t the same as the one on the coupon. Almost, but not quite. So she’s losing it. She’s screaming at the cashier and wants her savings and isn’t concerned in the least that she’s holding up the line for 15 cents. The others in line are getting mad at her. The cashier has called the manager. There is a collective groan from the patrons in the store. The manager gives her the 15 cents (maybe, maybe not) and sends her on her way. Everyone else is just relieved she’s left the line, and the store.

When she gets outside and into her car, she breaks down. Her world is unraveling before her eyes. She was threatened with the loss of her job because she’s taken off so much work lately. She has taken off from work so much because her husband has a terminal illness and the hospital sent him home today with no expectation of seeing him again. She has no food in the house because she has spent the last few weeks at the hospital whenever she wasn’t at work. So she came to the store, trying to make what few dollars she has count. And the coupon was wrong. It was simply the straw that broke the camel’s back. Everyone else in the store only saw a temper tantrum from a woman old enough to know better. But her world is unraveling. And she was grasping at the strings trying to hold it together. Trying to take back some of the control of her circumstances.

I’m just as guilty as the next person of getting upset with a woman like that. But I do try to give that person the benefit of the doubt. For one thing, life is too short to be so worked up about those few minutes I waited. And more importantly, my patience and compassion in that situation could have saved her life. At the very least, it could have been an offering of hope. A “hey, you aren’t alone in this” moment of support. We all need that, at one time or another.

People today need hope. We need to offer it. If it’s the lady in the checkout line, the man at the gas pump, the waitress who messed up your order, the cashier who got your change wrong, it doesn’t matter. They need the smile, the patience, the encouragement that it will eventually be okay.

There are any number of people who wake up daily with no hope. So do you know someone who is living hopeless? Someone who goes from day to day drowning in life’s troubles? Do you know anyone that you can encourage and lend hope to?

You In The Chaos

You In The Chaos

It was the end of May 2015. There had been one blow after another and I was struggling. I have HUGE faith. Need someone to pray for resolution in your life? That would be me. I know Who my rock is. I know Who my fortress is. I have never been let down by Him. But I have let me down.

At the end of May, my best friend died and after months of storms, I needed an anchor for that one. But I found myself alone and angry and bitter. Instead of remembering Who stands in the storm, waiting for me, I closed in on myself. It wasn’t that I was alone. It was that I simply chose not to go to my Father with my hurt. The following poem was my waking up to the truth that I was the one who made myself alone.

YOU IN THE CHAOS
Standing in this rocking boat, wind howling on every side
Water stinging my face as the waves toss us around
Everything is out of control and it’s taking its toll
I’m sure this ship is sunk and there is no hope

Then I see You out there, standing on the water
Clear as day despite the chaos. You call to me
How? How can You call me to You?
Yet my spirit strains forward toward You.


My thoughts race and in my mind I see me
Stepping over the side and walking to You,
But my mind rejects the image. You can’t think that I can.
I am not You, I cannot do as You do.


You stand there in the middle of chaos and call me to You.
My spirit strains forward, needing to reach You
I determine to try this that You ask of me.
So I tighten my resolve and step over the side.


My eyes are fixed on You and I step toward You
And I’m amazed that I can, that I’m still here,
Doing the impossible, coming toward You.
You are still before me and my spirit is ever straining.


I must reach You. I step forward once more and
Get slapped with a wave. The stinging pain shocks me
My eyes are on You but my mind is overcome.
The pain and the chaos disorient me.


I hear the howling wind, then I see the waves rising
I know that I am sunk. I am not You. I cannot do as You do.
You stand there in the middle of chaos, peace personified.
You are unmoved by the wind and waves.


And You call me to You. My spirit strains to reach You.
You reach for me and I am saved by Your hand. I am held up by You.
You, my Lord, have lifted me and saved me from drowning.
You lifted me up among the waves, you walked me through the wind.


You took me back to the safety of the ship and helped me in.
You helped me in and then calmed the wind.
I cannot do as You do. I am not You.
But my spirit strains toward You and I am saved.

Pam Whitehead