Perspective

Today I was late to church.

I struggled all morning and had really decided NOT to go. But about half an hour before the service started, I realized I had to be in town anyway for a couple of things and so decided to go ahead and go to church.
My struggle today had nothing to do with the time change or this allergy cold that hit me last week. My struggle today had everything to do with the fact that I was headed, once again, to a service by myself. And I just didn’t want to.

Now, I have attended church for years, primarily by myself. Most days, I just breeze right in without a thought or care of my singleness. But there are days. Days like today. Where it hits me hard. I don’t love being single. I’m in no hurry to be part of a duo, but I’m not in love with being single forever.
There were a lot of years, too, where I was married and still attended singly. If you have been in a similar situation, you can testify that it can be even MORE difficult when your soul’s desire is a helpmate to lead spiritually in the household. Someone to take your hand and say, “Let’s go to the house of the Lord.” But for the majority of my Christian walk, I go alone.

And today I was late. I walked into the service and saw a full house and wanted to cry at the thought of telling the usher I just needed one seat.
So I fled to the balcony, praying there would be seats. There were.
I had a talk with Jesus during worship. I asked forgiveness for my tooty attitude. I thanked Him for the opportunity to come to church in a country that so far has not outlawed it. And I solidified my vow that regardless of my relationship status, I serve Him, and Him only.

He reminded me that this place of worship I attend is FULL of people I know and love and that some of them love me back. I looked over the balcony wall to the congregation below and saw so many of those very people. And nearly every one of them had an empty seat next to them. He pointed out that had I not let my feelings take over, I could have found a spot. I could have sat in community with friends who also worship my God. And He reminded me this is temporary. This season is short in the grand scheme. At the end of this season, I’ll either no longer be alone or no longer be lonely. And the One who fills that spot will be there either way.

But He also reminded me that there are a multitude of people, even just in this town, that don’t attend church for this very reason. People who don’t have a community yet. People who face the daunting prospect of walking into a place where they know no one. People who walk into an unfamiliar building just hoping that someone will be friendly and hospitable and welcoming.

He reminded me that today I had not been that person that He asked me to be. I was not welcoming. I was not hospitable. I was not friendly. I had curled into myself and pouted. Certainly, we are allowed to be human. And humans have feelings. But I chose to let my feelings lead me instead of making the choice to let Him have those feelings and put Him front and center for someone else who may have felt that singleness.

He was ever so gentle. I was ever so chastised.

Lord, help me be the person You have called me to be.