Several years ago, I was given a journal and a photocopied article from Guidepost magazine.  The article was an interview with Debbie Macomber, a writer, who discussed her tradition of having a word for the year.  Sometimes, she chose the word herself.  Sometimes, the word was given to her by a friend or loved one.  Sometimes, the word seemed to be sent from God Himself.  So taking the journal and the hint, I started trying to figure out what my word for the year would be.

There have been difficult years.  The year FORGIVENESS was my word was an agonizing year.  Trying to navigate through what God was teaching me about forgiveness had to be the most painful thing ever, up to that point.  I’ve also had HOPE, FEAR, PATIENCE, EMPATHY, and WORSHIP.  Some years, obviously, are easier than others.  Some years I have struggled with the lessons He teaches.

This year, the word for 2019 is VICTORY.  This is the hardest one yet.  How can that be, you ask?  That’s a great word!  That, my friend, is an amazing thing to look forward to! Right?  Let me explain.

For those of you who don’t know, my husband was sick, then injured, then laid off at the beginning of 2015. He decided to apply for disability due to his lupus.  Four years later, we are in the act of submitting the eighth appeal, even though his health has declined to the point that he needs oxygen 24/7 and spends as much time (if not more) in the hospital than out. In that 4 years, we lost 80% of our income and were thrown a huge curve ball by the IRS. We continue to fight for disability, deal with depression (his, mine, the kids), deal with his declining health, and try to keep us afloat in the face of bills, bills, bills.

Last July, I was faced with a TRUTH from God that shook me to my core. He showed me how I had been specifically chosen for this path. He showed me that I was the one called to this task and placed here by Him. Please don’t misunderstand me. We are all called to the path that He has laid out before us. Sometimes those paths are difficult or painful or veer off on a detour because of the choices we make, or because of the choices others make. Our God is a God of free will, but He will absolutely use the worst situations in our lives to bring about beautiful, inspiring and amazing things for us, if we let Him. How many times have you looked back and been able to see such a thing? This relationship was terrible and toxic, but see my beautiful child. Being fired from that job hurt worse than anything but look at the awesome job I have now. Truthfully, there is good that comes out of anything for those that believe in Him. It is hard sometimes to see the beauty from the ashes, but that could be because the beauty resides in the heavenly realms with God and out of our natural vision. Still, it is painful. It is hurtful. It is difficult. It is NOT FAIR! And I was faced with this sudden understanding that I had been chosen specifically for this hard path, this difficult life.

I am not blameless. Some things on this path were definitely inflicted because of my bad choices. My need to prove myself worthy or prove someone else right took over at times, and I caved to the enemy’s schemes. I could have made my life easier at times. Not by much, but still. It seems that the majority of my life has been me being buffeted about by the choices and consequences of others. And my choice, aside from those bad ones, has been to lean on God. He is my Rock. My Fortress. My ever present Help in time of trouble. And then He gave me that TRUTH. I was wounded and angry. I felt that I would have been better off remaining ignorant of His plan. And I was angry at my Maker. Most of the explosive anger has simmered down. It took me a month to even acknowledge Him. And then another month or so to speak to Him. But, like being angry with your spouse, I spoke about the day to day things and avoided the elephant in the room. Last weekend He called me on it and reminded me to forgive Him. He does, after all, have my best interests at heart.

There I was, right before Christmas. A new year around the corner, a new word, and not even interested in finding one. Pfffft! What would be the point anyway? (Note: There is always a point. Don’t be fooled.)

The week before Christmas I was reading an article online and the word VICTORY popped out at me. I mean POPPED out at me. Pffffffffffftttt! A few days later, I’m listening to the radio and some lady is talking about her journey and she talks about her VICTORY. Whatev. The Sunday before Christmas, one of our worship leaders says between songs that she feels 2019 will be the year of VICTORY for someone. She ain’t talking to me. The Sunday after New Year’s the second worship song is You Have Won the VICTORY. Really? The next Monday, I finally crack open my new study journal. The first chapter I’m supposed to read is Genesis 14 and it’s titled “The Blessing of VICTORY for God’s People.” Oookkaaaay, God? The following Wednesday, my women’s group is starting the first lesson in The Armor of God by Priscilla Shirer. The first blank I’m supposed to fill in from the video lesson is VICTORY. Ok. So how many confirmations does it take? I am perfectly aware that the word victory has probably shown up in my life on a regular basis. Is there any church or Christian unfamiliar with the word? But to have it thrown at me so much in such a short time, I had to agree, finally, that VICTORY might just be my word for 2019.

The hardest part, is that at this point in this journey, what in all of creation could VICTORY look like? Does it mean healing for my husband? Does it mean he wins his disability? Does it mean a mutually acceptable resolution with the IRS? Does it mean I won’t be working four jobs? Does it mean my oldest son will be able to find a job? Does it mean my youngest will win a scholarship? Does it mean all the work on our house might actually get done or at least begun with a hope of continuing? I have been so beat down with our circumstances and issues and battles that I cannot even imagine what VICTORY means, let alone fathom what life could look like for us in 2020.

At least I know that God has good things in store and that He has good plans for us. I also know that prayer is key and that I’m going to have to get back on the wagon. After the TRUTH came out, I kind of stepped back on the serious prayer I had been active in. Now I know that I have to jump back in with both feet because VICTORY can NOT happen WITHOUT PRAYER!

How about you? Do you have a word for 2019? Was it gifted to you by a friend? Beat over your head by God? LOL. What’s your word and how did you get it? And what action does it mean you need to take? Are you ready?